Emerson

Hmmm it is better, but the flow is odd. And because you switch who the "I" is, it's kind of... odd, you know? You're switching the POV but still using ...

Jon bit his sleep, mind racing for an excuse to travel alone. Er-what? I have a feeling Trent is going to turn into a jealous spat ^_^

I'm so tempted to finish this chapter with something like: Oh Shiz! So yes me and your one friend? We must be sharing brain waves or something. In other words: ...

Jack, you make me sad =[ But I also giggle about how I procrastinate and burn myself ^_~ Well...I know it doesn't make sense since I do love to read, ...

Ignoring your lack of punctuation and capitalization for the moment... Snoink is so right. Consider reading poetry; you'll realize their is more to it than the pronoun I ^_~

Title meaning nixed ^_~ As to the meaning, I'm not entirely sure? It may have something to do with the fact that the noun la livre means book, but there ...

Oh, Melia! I love you! The idea of switch the ellipse and the period is brilliant ^_^ I think it brings out the feeling even more. [I detest ellipses, but ...

Ah, I have to say, this shows you are improving. You didn't tell us, or if you did, it was okay because the emotions were backed up by actions. Good ...

Oh, I'm back. Forgive me for that, as you know Ed-Dear, things are hectic right now ^^; Ah, I love this. This has become one of the poems that, each ...

Locked for Plagiarism...

Thanks ed ;-) locked . Plagiarism isn't accepted here.

moved to poetry section

Hmm I'm not sure what I make of it. What is the difference between lyric and song? Who is "He"? How is the narrator related to "he"? What the heck ...

I've already mentioned this as plagiarism, It's just taking a while for the people above to take care of it >< In the mean time, I'll lock this thread.

Hm. But see, to me, the scatterbrain feel didn't make it feel young, it just made it feel scatter brained. And you can still be scatter brained at 50, so ...