That's actually a good thing to do if you're wondering how strikingly original something you've written is going to be: google lines and phrases. Google will show you the truth, sometimes, and it always errs on making you think something is more original than it really is - so for discerning readers, never fear.
Rhyming couplets are difficult to do well, and it shows. You can carry a sentence over more than one line and break in places that aren't the obvious punctuation/rhythmic places to put linebreaks. The way you're structuring things right now is limiting -- it's far more limiting than simply rhyming couplets ever could be. Take a look at this poem:
To a Friend Whose Work Has Come to Triumph
Consider Icarus, pasting those sticky wings on,
testing that strange little tug at his shoulder blade,
and think of that first flawless moment over the lawn
of the labyrinth. Think of the difference it made!
There below are the trees, as awkward as camels;
and here are the shocked starlings pumping past
and think of innocent Icarus who is doing quite well.
Larger than a sail, over the fog and the blast
of the plushy ocean, he goes. Admire his wings!
Feel the fire at his neck and see how casually
he glances up and is caught, wondrously tunneling
into that hot eye. Who cares that he fell back to the sea?
See him acclaiming the sun and come plunging down
while his sensible daddy goes straight into town.
-- Anne Sexton
Look at where the linebreaks are, how the rhyming fits into the poem, how the sentences are structured and how punctuation clearly marks these out.
The refrain doesn't do anything for the poem - I KNOW you think about this person, I want to hear something new, something you haven't told me three time already. You can make repetition work in your favor but this is not how to do it. When you repeat a line [line in a villanelle] then it should take on a new tilt or meaning every time and lend to the sound and flow of the piece. Here the repeats do none of these things. Cut them out.
Points: 890
Reviews: 91
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