Emerson

Alright, well. First off, you have to look at poetry as actual sentences and structure. USE PUNCTUATION, PLEASE! Commas, and periods, and semicolons! You NEED those! Without them, how should ...

Her past relationships - a short daisy chain of affairs, strung around her neck like a criminal in a mug shot. this sentence seems really lost, like its going some ...

I've noticed something with a lot of what you write. It's very vague, and has no concrete form. This is about the sun rising, thats the concrete thing in the ...

woah, woah, arguing, halt! It wasn't vague, but it wasn't concrete either. I agree with phorcys, people start out vague, because it sounds pretty, but as you get farther in ...

And never did look back. this line feels weird. Maybe its the use of 'back' again. I think it would do better with a rhythm, I liked it all except ...

Take use of capitalization. If not at the beginning of each line, at least capitalize 'I'. I think you should give more action with the description. I see action, but ...

I feel like I'm reading some kind of manual crammed into a story. Or that I should have read a manual before hand. “How can they can assume these maps ...

“Jo.Anne.” Seems like a typo Joanne, ruffled, turned on her heels and headed back out to the waiting room. The man waiting to see Dr. Graham didn’t look like a ...

Eh, again not much to say about this. 1. Where are they in the beginning? 2. The action seems to happen faster than reality permits, they get to this place, ...

It was a trait Jonathon hated in women, unless they were beautiful. With such a humorous remark as this, I'm expecting something about the girl. Was she beautiful enough/too ugly ...

my dad got the call in St. Peter on the way to a baseball game that Grandpa has taken a turn for the worse. I think it should be "had" ...

I liked it. except the last line! For some reason it seems short and very blunt compared to the rest, so when I get to it its just like, "Oh" ...

I have to agree with Sureal on your characters... I can quote from your story what makes them contradicting. The truth of the matter was Joy had little experience when ...

Despite the horrible lack of grammar (GASP) I liked it! I started reading merely because of the mention of Aurthur Dent. *waves towel* Thursdays confused you, they way I’d like ...

They were pretty :-) I can't say much about them sadly. I think I liked the last one the most, those last two lines were catchy. But they were all ...