Published December 29, 2006
It seems that everything you do
is a cry for help.
Your life's spent wandering,
seeking someone to hang on to.
But you never find that one
who won’t pass you by,
lose faith again,
turn away in your darkest hour.
If only you’d realise
to find what you need darling,
all you have to do
is look in the mirror.
Ok so this is one of my first efforts, be as harsh as you want. I just wanted to try my hand at something new, if it's crap I'll try again a different day but maybe some hints on where I've gone wrong?
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woah, woah, arguing, halt!
It wasn't vague, but it wasn't concrete either.
I agree with phorcys, people start out vague, because it sounds pretty, but as you get farther in to poetry you realize its more than that, they are solid ideas and not just thoughts and fluttering description.
If you are writing an emotional poem (this one, for instance) rather than writing about the emotion, find the actual event that caused the emotion or an event, or even an object, that ties to the emotion and use that to be concrete. That way you aren't just talking about a feel or emotion, there is something else there for the reader to latch on to, and to feel and see.
Hey thanks everyone, I understand what you mean about it being a little vague... I just couldn't think of a good title and that probably would have helped alot. It's kinda about learning to have faith in yourself and stop depending on others. I'll take that rhyming thing on board too =)
I think it's a good poem. Though your flow is a little off. Ani's right, rhyming may help, but it's not needed. Try reading other poetry to get the right idea. Hope I helped.
Yeah ofcourse thats ur opinion.
sorry if u feel i was rude.
Sorry, I misread "rhythm" for rhyme. And the poem seemed vague to me - but thats my opinion.
I think that i never said rhyming is essential.I meant to bring some rythme into the poem,to bring that flow into it.
I disagree,her poem isn't totally vague.
I disagree, Rhyme is not essential in poetry and Im beginning to prefer non-rhyming poetry as the poet concentrates on theme more as oposed to getting it to rhyme.
This was a good first try. But like all beginning poets it seemed vague, what exactly was it about? CHoose a subject you want to explore and then use concentrated thoughts to create a poem.
Your first effort was a good try.
Try using some rhyming words.Try to put some rythme into ur poem.It makes ur poem sound good.
I liked the way the poem ended.
Keep writing and posting.
~Sayani~