Emerson

This has a sing-song feel to it, so when you broke rhythm it sounded bad. Also, repeating that verse was useless. This is kind of an over used topic, but ...

A poem by Mad! I forgot how much I enjoyed you. I expected this to be longer.... Pearly tears course down her face And fine hair flaunts across her back. ...

I have a suggestion! Buy and read this book: Writing Fiction . This book taught me how to become a writer, although, there is still a lot of uphill work ...

This is odd. Where is this going? Why is she "in between"? Better yet - why should I care? Remember, beginnings need to catch the reader, make them ask questions. ...

This poem really didn't do anything for me. It didn't navel gaze, and there were emotions, but they didn't come out, and I didn't feel anything. You listed stuff, just ...

I liked this. I liked how it sunk at the end, because up until then, it was sweet, and though I don't like the memories much now, I was reminded ...

Like Nic said, the repetition kind of shot and killed that stanza. I've always enjoyed poems that tell stories, but they have to be done in a certain manner for ...

You know, you mentioned this poem to me the other day, and I didn't know whether I had said anything on it or not. Guess not. I read Snoinks adjective ...

It was okay. You had some good imagery, but when I think beach, I think salty fish smells. I smelt nothing... I've read so many poems about beaches, I can't ...

“Honey… are you sure you want to go?” “Yes, I ar’dy told you!” The [s]unknowingly[/s] adorable girl had her jaw stuck out [s]furiously[/s]; [comma, d00d, not semicolon] the perfect measure

Introduction I a little odd, not to mention the syntax. But I don't feel like editing that right now :-p IMO it should be chapter one, or alternatively, prologue. Novels ...

Hey there Dear, finally came round to check this out ^_^ No major line by lines or anything--just a few comments on the text. Larcke s’s face softened. Snoink would ...

Try as she might [s]not to[/s], Eana let the rumors get the better of her. Try as she might not to, Eana let the rumors get the better of her. ...

Well... First some general notes: 1. please, please, capitalize the pronoun I, and other things where capitalization is needed. 2. Punctuate. This will help you: Poetry & Punctuation 3. Either ...

I liked this one more than the first, but I have to think of them together, since they are only in parts, and they worked very well. Most repetition fails, ...