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Re: The White One
Does anyone else find it funny that Black Panther wrote something called 'The White One?'? xD I'm kinda new at this so please comment!!! The White One Deep in the ...
Jan 9, 2010 -
Re: Hidden Angel - Beginning
Durrie like!!! Among the hundreds of party guests, waiters and decorations, < (no comma) many things in the enormous party hall at the Delyle home could be easily overlooked. One ...
Jan 8, 2010 -
Re: #
Well, these is my first poem to publish in here and I truly hope you like it, It was written in 5 : 5 : 2009 They say: scars fade, ...
Jan 7, 2010 -
Re: Mending Heart
Tears are warm and fresh < (warm and fresh? How can they be warm and fresh? Some people take 'fresh' to mean cold, so you might think to change that.) ...
Jan 7, 2010 -
Re: Gold.
“Look at her, she’s no shame.” < (maybe try 'She's no shame' or something, it's more uprupt.) “Absolutely no sense of modesty, can’t believe she has the nerve-” The murmurs ...
Jan 3, 2010 -
Re: The Ouraul Pt. 1
The Antigone hung in the atmosphere of the gas giant. < (not a good start, try something longer with less complicated words, maybe. ) Its long boxy < (boxy. A ...
Jan 3, 2010 -
Re: Where I am From
It's really cool how you put parts of yourself into this poem, and we can really see that. However, it's confusing how you slip between typical urban living and almost ...
Nov 21, 2009 -
Re: A Holocaust Novel
This is a story I wrote last year, to be more truthful a novel :D, and it's pretty long so I'm going to have to post it in sections. I ...
Nov 19, 2009 -
Re: Silent Voices Rule the Night
Hey its IR here. This is the background of a character in a story im writing. Check the main story out, its Ballad of Blood, in fantasy. Tell me what ...
Nov 16, 2009 -
Re: Argavon-Chap. One
I pushed my legs to go faster through the snow white forest. < ( ahh... not a strong start. ) My heart was pounding so loudly, I was sure they ...
Nov 15, 2009 -
Re: to learn to fly -- prologue
Wow that's wierd, my name is Kate too! Really good work, but the story seemed a little slow/emotionless to me. Emphasis on the emotionless; especially in the last paragraph. It ...
Oct 25, 2009 -
Re: Winged Crossing- Prologue
Very well worded but at times confusing. I liked how you used the Latin words to give the magic more meaning. At some places you have missed punctuation marks, for ...
Oct 1, 2009 -
Re: deleated
they’ll pull me and tear me apart point me in the wrong direction change my reflection then put me back to the start they won’t listen to what I think ...
Oct 1, 2009 -
Re: Dreams of Giants -- Chapter 7, Part 1
The dock resumed its hustle and bustle not long after the second murder of the day had disrupted it. It was impossible, Mintrow , (
Oct 1, 2009