Published September 30, 2009
DeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleaDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleaDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleaDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleaDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleaDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleaDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleaDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleaDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleatedDeleated
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,621 Literary Works • 675,207 Reviews
The above is really the only thing I saw as wonky in your whole song. The second and third line rhyming and the first and fourth line rhyming? I'd never heard of it. Though, of course, that may just be me
Your bolding seems to have gone a little wonky here.
I'm not a songwriter, so I can't really give you a critique, but I liked it. It had a nice rhythm and I noticed the rhymes only on the second readthrough. It flowed so nicely that it didn't scream "omigoodness, look at my fabulous rhymes" obnoxiously at me, but they were subtly there and added to the effect of the song. Nice.
*thumbs up*
~GryphonFledgling