Dreamworx95

I agree with Squall, you really don't need a prologue. I understand that maybe you want to grasp readers' attention with this, but there are just so many of these ...

Nice. Very well done and nicely written. It's very easy to sympathize with Liona. I felt very bad for her at the last part as she described her hunger. I ...

shinning on the dark green forest bed. at me threw yellow eyes like glass marbles, Should be through. the one’s I’ve starred Stared has only one r. I have got ...

Yay! Another Forked! Like the other ones, this one was ridiculous, gross and entertaining. It's just so strange that it makes me want to keep reading. I can honestly say ...

Oh my god! I'm so nervous about posting this. I have about thirty pages more, but this is just the first part of the prologue. Lol, don't be nervous. It's ...

Another entertaining chapter. As I read this, I was wondering of Staples was on some hallucinogen drug, but then the plasma terrorist finally showed up. The kid with the orange ...

You didn't tell me you posted another one! *tsk tsk* Whatever. So this is really weird. How did he wake up in his aparment again if he blacked out in ...

where I thwack my head against the trunk "Thwack" is onomonopoeia. Instead, you could say, "I whack my head..." turns in mid-stride, turns to face me, empty red glare making ...

Really nice. I liked the suspense, though I don't feel you really captured Bella and Edward's characters. It's not a big deal, the only person who can really do that ...

to burn my jacket right of my arms Of should be off. I suppose I was in something of a stupid place Something should be somewhat. I would probably be ...

#1: Yes, definitley makes want to read more. #2: I think it's good enough. #3:Not at all. It's only too wordy if the words are boring. This was very interesting. ...

Nice. A very intriguing read. I turned to every direction I could think of, Try changing to to in. cracked ground stretch off in to the horizon where the late ...

I haven't read this yet, so I want to give you some advice. No offense, but your story looks like a giant block of text, which tends to drive readers ...

It wasn’t any comfier. Phrased incorrectly. Should be: It wasn't any more comfortable. She heard footsteps from outside and turned to see the huge glass window that let her look ...

a cold, hard dirt floor. Comma after hard. It was only then he remembered the events of last night. You should put a that after then . was very likely ...