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I learned about human nature in taste-looking land. You can learn too. Let's do it.

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It's not classy to begin everything with words. When people just start talking to me before they even know what color my eyes are, I get pissed off. I get majorly pissed off. Sometimes I get pissed off enough to procure some kind of revenge. But usually I just spit into the air and try to catch it in my mouth again. And then I walk away.

But let's begin with today. That seems like a sensible place to start. Today was one of those days where no matter how fast I run, I just end up in a pile of shit.

It was a horribly sunny day and I was standing on a shiny corner, everything smiling and gnashing its teeth at me in that happy way that's always so scary. The sun was virtually trying to burn my jacket right off my arms and I contemplated a rare form of suicide without even breaking a sweat. The little sign that was supposed to tell me I could cross the street had decided to ignore me and so, fairly, I decided to ignore it. Right as the light changed and told me to get the hell across the street, I realized that I had somehow decided, in my useless defiance, to go the wrong way.

It wasn't that I didn't feel like going to work. Okay, I didn't really feel like going to work. But that was not because I was a lazy bastard. Well, it was partly because I was a lazy bastard. But the main reason is that there was this horribly frightening girl who was desperately in love with one side of my face and sometimes I wanted to stab myself in the eye to get her to stop staring at me. What a coward I was, my friends. What a courageous coward.

I suppose I ended up in something of a stupid place. And not just because the sidewalk was beginning to look like a toilet. My head was in a stupid place and my thoughts were stupid enough to try and persuade me that running into an impoverished, crime-ridden part of the city where I would probably be murdered, was a way of escaping my problems. Problems. I don't even have problems.

As I turned a corner and found myself in an even stupider place, I kicked the wall and then lit a cigarette angrily. Right then, omeone ran over my foot with their stroller. I swore at them and they flipped me off. The kid in the stroller woke up and screeched in solidarity with me.

I thought I was just going to finish my smoke and then continue getting horribly lost but I suddenly had the sinking feeling that I was going to spend the morning being chased through alleyways and eventually beaten unconscious. My cigarette quickly tasted the way it smelled and I dropped it, stomping on it vigorously on the dirty pavement.

"Dude, pick up your cig," said a voice coming from above me.

"Fuck you," I muttered, looking up and finding myself staring into the eyes of my unforgivable mistake. I had spoken first! Why, oh why! How could I break my only rule without giving up on everything entirely, forever? I was despondent.

But besides all that, the kid staring at me was probably a few inches shorter and so I wondered why I had thought the voice was coming from above. He had a decidedly jumpy angry look about him and I noted that his eyes were orange. Huh.

"Who? Who's going to fuck me?" asked the boy excitedly, looking around.

"What are you? An environmentalist prig or something? Why did you tell me to--"

"No, you didn't answer my question! Who's going to--"

"No one! Hopefully, no one. When I told you to fuck off, I meant: get the hell out of my face. If you could first arrive there, which may or may not even be possible."

I didn't think this kid was much a threat until it started raining. Yes, it just suddenly started raining without even warning me. I moment ago I had thought I was experiencing a sunny day but I suppose that's just another lesson for why perception is so useless. The rain made the boy angry and he jumped up and down and then punched me in the face.

That's probably the last thing I remember.

Wait, I believe I remember someone saying, "Wow, so you just decided to skip the running through alleyways part. Douche..."

Being unconscious can be pleasant. I didn't dream.

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So what'd you think? CMON. And yes it's a prologue.