DarkerSarah

Oh my Gregory. I thought it would be fun to post a whole lot of negative comments, but I don't have that many. The shark finally overtakes him. I don't ...

I find it hard to accept this as a non-fiction piece when you back it up from instances in a movie. And a very nonrealistic movie at that. However, the ...

I think you used too much description for such a short piece. You should either take out a lot of the adjectives and adverbs, or make this a lot longer. ...

Well...the dialogue was good. I suppose this is quite a compliment since nearly the entire thing was dialogue. So much dialogue and so little description is very boring. Michael, a ...

I have a bit of a problem with a lot of description. It all gets too wordy for me. Description is really important, but you have to make it fluid ...

I didn't like this at all. Maybe because I thought it lacked depth and artistic motivation. It wasn't your writing that I disliked so. You have the potential to be ...

I'm surprised at the level of depth you reach in your writing, being only 15. I also really enjoy reading your style of writing. That said, I have a few ...

Hey. This was pretty good, except, something cut off at the end. I guess it was too long or something. My main advice is to hurry the beginning up. Maybe ...

You created some very beautiful imagery with this. My problem lies with the disconnected words: Told the dream about the castle garden music and leather Leather doesn't fit. It shouldn't ...

Oooh...this was good. I liked it. It's kind of poetic, with the rythmic scrubbing (which is one of my favorite parts.) I can tell you are a poet. First off, ...

I mean, when will you realize you can’t change the world? When will reality shatter your fragile glasshouse and make you bleed, so poetically, over white carpet and hidden red ...

Overall, I like this. I do have a few suggestions for you, though. Firstly, I think you tried to cram too many physical descriptions into this short work. "Ebony hair" ...

The opening line does not do the rest of the world justice. "smiling is the world's language" Though I agree with the concept it seems too "nice" for the rest ...

I liked In the Forests of the Night when I was thirteen. This past summer I read Interview with a Vampire and I realized she was just a little kid ...

- What you liked As their brain shut down and their heart stopped beating? I liked this. I exist for that purpose only – to murder… to slay… to end… ...