Cade

I think punctuation is the least of your worries. This is just...a bunch of phrases. Of course, it's strong in terms of tone and emotion, but as enjoyable poetry? Very, ...

This really interested me, but you've overdone it. Really badly overdone. It's blackened and burned. Fortunately, poetry is not like meat and the damage can be undone. I really, really ...

I really like the breaks where they are. In fact, I like this whole poem. It's got tone, feeling, and just sounds gorgeous. Wow. a series of mechanical bleeps and ...

This poem seems to be a prisoner of its own rhyme. I think a better attempt on this idea might be better made in free verse. Other than that...gaah I ...

As Claudette said, the images were great. I could really catch the mood and tone here. Regarding the "know he knows" - is the first "know" really needed? That sentence ...

Interesting imagery, but I found myself unable to take much away. I feel as though this is something I've read before. I think perhaps the images of the first three ...

Yes, Chapter Two! Gosh, I love your writing, Cam. I really like how you've gotten into the character of Andrew. He's so vulnerable, and as a result, likable. This chapter ...

*shakes head* This didn't do much for me. This is just a list of disjointed phrases. It does achieve a certain tone and feeling, but I couldn't visualize it and ...

Mmm, this poem was delicious! It was quirky, kind of beautifully so. The voice is great; you did a good job of speaking to and interesting the reader. I got ...

I disagree. The presentation wasn't bad. The rhyme was fine. It was subtle. It doesn't have to be "mindblowing." The "O" at the beginning of each stanza was also fine ...

I actually wasn't bothered by the tenses. I thought that the use of both future tense and present tense was very effective. (Or, perhaps I've just been doing too much ...

Although slitting one's wrists is cliche, I felt that you did a great job with it here. The speaker isn't talking about slitting-wrists-and-wallowing-in-depression like most wrist-slitting poems do. I

There's a great quote that says "Einstein would turn over in his grave; not only does God play dice, the dice are loaded!" That was the inspiration, pretty much. And ...

It wasn't so much about racism as about different-ism, no? This sounded a little too much like Stone Soup. As in, a little too obvious about the message. I thought ...

I also agree that the idea wasn't overly original, but it was well-expressed. Plus it is ridiculously hard nowadays to do something completely original as pretty much everything has been ...