Young Writers Society

This really interested me, but you've overdone it. Really badly overdone. It's blackened and burned. Fortunately, poetry is not like meat and the damage can be undone.

I really, really liked the dictionary idea. I think it would be great if you had it like in a real dictionary, you know, the word, followed by its part of speech and pronounciation key and everything!

Other than that, it was too blatant. Instead of making the "point" subtle and left for the reader to infer, you've smacked it down and beat the dog out of it. Here I've crossed out such phrases (note: this does not mean the remaining ones are correct, it just means they're not annoyingly blatant):

[s]As a child we're so caught up in life,
Don't know anything but happiness and being spoilt. [/s]
We're being protected from the real world,
The reality. They call them reality t.v shows.
Lets look up what "reality" really means...
Reality - What is real, something real.
[s]Are reality TV shows really real? Yes they're about real people,
but it's not a normal circumstance. [/s]
Real = existing or true, genuine.
What's real? [s]Is real having to live on the streets day after day?
Is real dying in a car crash -now not that big news? [/s]
[s]Is real millions dying everyday from poverty and illness, while others drown there souls on alcohol and drugs? [/s]
Normal = usual or ordinary, natural and healthy; without a physical or
mental illness.
[s]So your saying that your not "normal" to have a cold because that means your not "healthy". [/s]
What is usual or ordinary? [s]It's ordinary for someone in England to go to school everyday, and get given pocket money, yet in Zambia, its ordinary to be working at 6am and be an orphan looking after brothers and sisters. [/s]
Why ever put these words "real and "normal" into the dictionary?
"Usual", "Ordinary", "true", meaningful"
They cannot put how we use these words, in under a sentence.
[s]They can't speak for us all.[/s]

I get the idea that your trying to make the reader get, but you should probably consider fixing your grammar and spelling, and then organizing your work into stanza's. That might help get it across, and make it a little easier to read.

Maybe like this:

As a child we're so caught up in life,
Don't know anything but happiness and being spoilt.
We're being protected from the real world,
The reality. They call them reality t.v shows.
Lets look up what "reality" really means...
Reality - What is real, something real.
Are reality TV shows really real?
Yes they're about real people,
but it's not a normal circumstance.
Real = existing or true, genuine.
What's real? Is real having to live on the streets day after day?

Is real dying in a car crash -now not that big news?
Is real millions dying everyday from poverty and illness,
while others drown there souls on alcohol and drugs?
Normal = usual or ordinary,
natural and healthy; without a physical or mental illness.
So your saying that your not "normal"
to have a cold because that means your not "healthy".
What is usual or ordinary?
It's ordinary for someone in England to go to school everyday,
and get given pocket money, yet in Zambia,
its ordinary to be working at 6am
and be an orphan looking after brothers and sisters.

Why ever put these words "real and "normal" into the dictionary? "Usual", "Ordinary", "true", meaningful"
They cannot put how we use these words,
in under a sentence. They can't speak for us all.

Good job writing, just fix it, and remember that you don't have to follow what I said to do, its all up to you.

Don't know anything but happiness and being spoilt.
We're being protected from the real world,

this is both angry and imperfect but the little imperfections here (spelling, grammar) can be forgiven in the face of such honest emotions. good job!