Cade

The brain is not a muscle...right? Anyway, you should really take a closer look at the rhyme scheme here. Most rhyming poems keep it fairly constant, and this has jumped ...

Well, I've never read Lolita, so I suppose I can't get the full force of this poem. I love the language, though; way to stay consistent throughout. No suggestions on ...

As others have said, this isn't much of a serious poem. This is like a rip-off of third grade humor. If you're concerned about getting critiques, you might try posting ...

As Amelia said, this poem could definitely do with some better structure. Line breaks and stanzas are as much a part of poetry as the words themselves; have you chosen ...

This piece, though it has a pleasant idea behind it, was not carried out well. The imagery is really cliche, and that's what brings this poem down. Why does it ...

I think perhaps the "we're not immortal" lesson was a little too obvious. Here I've crossed out lines you could take out: we were buried at the back of our ...

The poem's a little jumpy for my taste. It could use a little more, erm, connection . This could be helped by being a little more specific. The "connection" between ...

Wow, Incan, this is such a great example of your outstanding ability to use language. The sound of poetry is one of the most important aspects of the art, something ...

and be sister-moon hanging next to him by a thread from god’s index finger? Great image. The last stanza was fantastic. Suicide, of course, tugs at the heartstrings of any ...

Woot! *is an art fan* I have no education in art. I just tend to spend lots of time in galleries during the summer, and it is very enjoyable, and ...

The rhyme and rhythm were a nice touch, however simple. Just one rhyme problem: I searched for the holy father, The mighty divinity ; I found my God in a ...

The cancerstick line didn't really bother me in terms of rhythm. Actually, I felt it was rather well done there, except for the fact that it sticks out visually, but ...

This fails as a poem for me because it's just a list of Hallmark phrases and hackneyed language. Why not make it more personal? Ask, "Would you die for me?" ...

I agree with chocolatechipmuffin here; it was too wordy and little in-your-face. Even if you have a message you're trying to get across, poetry should be subtle. You don't want ...

I got a great feeling from this poem. The scene was described very well. I like that each character is defined: Mickey, the funny friend? "You" - the person the ...