I enjoyed it, though I'm trying to pick out its incest...I see it, slightly, but barely. Though, I struggle to understand things like this.
What struck me the most was your lack of punctuation and capitalization, but I know you. You know better than most, and you do it on purpose. I find meaning in it, which makes me proud that at the least I can pick something up. It makes everything look like it flows together. It lends to its beauty.
But I think I'll shut up, before I make much more of an idiot of myself, or anything like that. I enjoyed it, but as you well know, am not smart enough to pick up on all the beautiful words you lie before me ![]()
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Great image.
The last stanza was fantastic. Suicide, of course, tugs at the heartstrings of any reader, but it is usually not done very well. Of course, though, Brad would pull it off...
The first stanza was a little too much like a stream of consciousness for my taste. It does add to its charm, and I realize that it's written that way to achieve a certain effect, but the jump from the bike cutting into lanes to cutting into brains really threw me off, as did the word "imperiousness."
Colleen
Oh wow. The story I see is just so captivating; I especially loved this line: I wonder if we love him for/the same reasons, if each love is/Unique, like DNA, or is it/all the same, like an atom

Just really moving.
The quality improved throughout, and by the ending, I had been moved. Thank you.