Published March 21, 2007
Not really sure what to call this. Any suggestions? Bkwrm
Can you hear the whisper of the night upon the trees?
Can you hear the longing stirring in the breeze?
Can you see the stars –the tiny pricks of light?
Can you see the city, shining out so bright?
Can you smell the sea carried in on the air?
Can you smell the thousand flowers fair?
Can you taste the sleep heavy round the town?
Can you taste the raindrops before they’re coming down?
Can you feel the mystery that’s everywhere?
Can you feel the wind tugging at your hair?
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141,319 Literary Works • 674,343 Reviews
I like how the poem rhymes and how smoothly it flows and the uniqueness of it, having all line starting with 'Can I' but i also agrree with bleedingheart4u.
i thinkthe poem lacks a definite theme or a meaningful meaning, it should have some knid of a concrete sense to it rather than just sweet sentenses piled one after te other.
anyway, maybe you could put in some more lines and insert something definite.
Nice poem,I think you should call it Be or Live
It seems to me that though at first it my not have a point, it might have to do with our senses. My title would either be:
"Senses," "Sensory Perception" or "Perception"
These all pertain how we percieve the world around us, and would be good options.
Keep up the good work!
~Bard
This piece, though it has a pleasant idea behind it, was not carried out well. The imagery is really cliche, and that's what brings this poem down. Why does it have to sound so much like "Colors of the Wind" from Pocohontas? Spice up the language a little. Don't be afraid to NOT sound like a Disney movie.
Colleen
EDIT: And give it a title!
I really like the imagery that this piece provokes. I also like the repetition and use of a question.
However I also do not understand where it was going, maybe this could be used in something completely different.
As for a title.......'Can you........' would be appropriate but I'm not great on titles!!
Fantastic rhyming and imagery,
Alainna
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This IS interesting and nice word usage, but I really can't relate nor do I know what this is about. Can you do this, can you do that? If you can...what's to come of all of it. Maybe one last stanza to bring it all together and give it more meaning will do.
Keep at it!
~Rieda
I liked your poem it flowed nicely and i was able to paint a picture in my head. I'm no poet so i can't really critique it and i have no idea what i would name your poem sry
#Queen of the Pirates#
What's the point to this poem? It's good. But what is the point? I think that poems should have a point to it. But right now, this just sounds like random words put together that rhyme. But good job on the rhyming anyway.