Tick tick bang, read the warning signs.
The makers of wooden legs also make land mines.
The finers they will fine you if you dont pay your fines,
while the procrastinators are getting worked up because your not on time.
People that think you learn a life lesson by sitting in classes,
with a sense of superiority wearing they're one way mirror glasses.
Its only towers they build from which one day they'll fall,
telling you to walk through a door while pointing to a wall.
To judge you and to degrade so many colours they could never be,
look a little deeper you see its only fear.
Their "just like everyone else" motto is why they never will be free,
just in the back seat of society so afraid to steer.
Whats the point in building muscles if you neglect the one in your head?
It a new age when a little boy soldier becomes to be a scietist instead.
Trip, trip, ground! look at what you found,
with a view level to the horrizon you trully can astound.
So why is entitlement often hand in hand with a great height?
Some of the people that saw the most in this world were born without sight.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Thanks Colleen but i think we have very different taste in poems.I'm not into structure or listing from a book rhyme schemes when writing a poem.
I simply write and maybe you never heard of the Oscar Wilde quote ,"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative".
The third stanza is actually very important in conveying how people just let themselves be led instead of metaphorically steering society in a new direction.
"trip, trip, Ground" is actually not very sudden because if you look at the poem you would realize its the 5Th stanza and therefore if it was a song it would be the fifth bar and mimicking the exact rhyming style of the first 1st bar is musically correct.
I think maybe you are not reading it in the flow it is in but hey that's okay.
As for "found" and "astound" you failed to mention that found is actually an internal rhyme with "ground" and the line after using "astound" provides contrast to the word ground...meaning you can amaze even at low altitudes (metaphorically speaking).
Your right the brain is not a muscle i was simply playing on words,how it should be what you challenge and work out most in your body.Thus calling it a muscle.
Thanks for your opinion but as i think you have a much more rigid style of poetry than me and i find that constrictive just like someone saying you cant play an instrument outside 4/4 or you cant play offbeat drums...yet its when you break the mold you add variety instead of sounding like a text book.
The brain is not a muscle...right?
Anyway, you should really take a closer look at the rhyme scheme here. Most rhyming poems keep it fairly constant, and this has jumped around. The first stanza is aaaa, but then we move into the second stanza and it's switched - bbcc. Then the third stanza is dede.
The first two stanzas had the best rhyme, aside from the whole rhyme scheme irregularity. It doesn't sound as...sing-songy as it could, and the rhyme doesn't sound forced. You know what really sounds forced? Found and astound in the last stanza. Blech.
In terms of content, the third stanza could be cut out entirely. The social commentary is strong in this poem, but the third stanza isn't well presented. It's too whiny and ends up dragging the rest of the poem down.
Last stanza: "Trip, trip, ground!" This is very sudden and doesn't flow well with the rest. I think the entire first two lines of the last stanza should be rewritten. Get "astound" out of there, if anything.
Colleen
So, I've decided. There are people that can write poetry and then there are people that fake poetry. You can write poetry. Besides a few spelling errors this poem is very good and shows society in a different light.