Cade

Hmm...it's a little flat. It begins with the simile being laid out there, right at the beginning, speaker = Mediterranean Sea. The rest of the poem only serves to make ...

I like the idea, but the style of the poem itself is very drifty and disconnected, with just short sentences and phrases strung together without any punctuation. It's very straightforward, ...

I agree with Suzie. It's boring to read poems that go along the lines of "_____ is like _____", i.e. the classic "Life is like a box of chocolates" or ...

Oh, Creative Writing... Imagery. If any poem needs it, this one does. Right now, the setting of the poem is a little ambiguous. Yes, a forest...with some water? But that's ...

'Tis rather a stream of consciousness, as the title says. There are some great images in here, but it doesn't really form a coherent, meaningful poem. I think you would ...

Urgh...sorry, I was writing my critique and Internet Explorer decided to spaz, and now I must rewrite it. That's okay, though, because it was fairly short. On the subject of ...

I really enjoyed this. Fantastic job with imagery, and with making your rhyme nice and subtle. San Francisco mist in morning over the trees in Golden Gate park carries over ...

Hey there...you seem to be new, so I'll make sure you're informed about some of our rules here on YWS. I see that you've posted a lot of new stuff, ...

The way you compared the telephone and the clock was interesting, but the rest of the poem doesn't really go anywhere. It seems to much like a stream of consciousness ...

This is manages to tell a story from a child's point of view without being completely obvious or annoyingly childish. Your main problem is just rhythm. I'm not going to ...

Hmm...interesting stuff, but I think you could definitely "juice" it a little bit. Right now it's very stream-of-consciousness-ish, and reading such a poem becomes boring for a reader. The best ...

The execution seems to me as though you wrote a story and arbitrarily hit the 'Enter' key as you went along. Brutally honest as Brad's comments are, I'm going to ...

This is cliche to the point that I feel I've read it before. In email chain letters..."Oh, those were the days. *place cliche images of childhood here* Ooops, and then ...

Punctuation in poetry is a matter of personal choice, though too often amateur writers take this to mean, "Why, be lazy! Do not punctuate your poems!" Usually, it's a good ...

Erm...it's cute, but pretty childish. I find it darn near impossible to take seriously. The colors don't help either. One is Red and one is blue, The yellow one just ...