Published October 25, 2007
I like some of the imagery here, i.e. the description of the distant fences in repose. Very nice. I think the line-breaks mid-sentence are a bit awkward, however. Consider breaking at more logical points. Good work.
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140,874 Literary Works • 673,697 Reviews
Urgh...sorry, I was writing my critique and Internet Explorer decided to spaz, and now I must rewrite it.
Fantastic, captivating beginning. It sets the stage for the farm metaphor of the lines to follow, and it's also a powerful image.That's okay, though, because it was fairly short.
On the subject of line breaks, I think the mid-sentence interruption was entirely justified. You meant for it to be abrupt and slightly unbalancing. The mood created by this only helps the poem.
Normally, I would be opposed to this because I hate it when words are randomly created--but algae-ed seems fine. It doesn't look right on the page, but said aloud it seems perfectly fine. I dislike it, though, because "algae" makes me think of lakes and oceans and I don't think it grows on water troughs. Well, I haven't been on a farm since I was ten, so maybe it does. Still, a different word might have been better.
Overall, excellent stuff. One of your best, at least that I've seen. Beautiful. Thoughtful. And other good words that make me sound really easily impressed by your poetry...which I am. Impressed, that is.
-Colleen
That went a little over my head as far as meaning, but the images are strong. I like how it created an odd reading because of the way you broke the lines up. It gave it a very eeire feeling which seemed to fit with the subject matter.
Other than my lack of understanding it looks pretty good. *feels dumb*