So I Say So Long

I like the idea, but the style of the poem itself is very drifty and disconnected, with just short sentences and phrases strung together without any punctuation. It's very straightforward, for lack of a better word. I can't glean much else from it because it's very flat--sweet, but flat.

Take a step backward; how can you say everything you've laid out here and still make it interesting for a reader to think about and truly digest? Explore your speaker's surroundings a little more. You might show that the woman's presence makes the library better for him by contrasting her appearance with the apparently less appealing surroundings, for example.

Good luck!
-Colleen

Ooooh, in love with the librarian, what an interesting concept. I think you could improve on some of your imagery - describe the woman more - and punctuate better perhaps but the idea behind this poem is great. Here's a quick line by line with a few suggestions -

The quietness of the library [I'm not sure about quietness. Perhaps serenity? And it doesn't seem to run into the second line so maybe describe the library a little more first, add another line. Perhaps something like -

'The serenity of the library -
Scent of perfume in the air.]

I wonder if she knows she makes the library for me?
Time in the library without her
Would be time and time and time again.[Good repetition here.]
I look up from reading
[s]There is[/s] To see her beautiful [Perhaps a less common word here?] face.
The time is flying by.
I look up from reading
[s]There[/s] To find her face is gone
So I say so long [I think this could be made more effective. Maybe 'So it's time for me to leave']
I wonder if I make her shift as pleasant as she makes the library? [I like the ending. It's nice, conclusive and generally you have a good little poem here. Add a little more, expand your imagery and it will be even better!]