Cade

Hmm. My problem with this poem is that it's a little too broad . It has a stream-of-consciousness feel to it, and that's not necessarily a good thing in your ...

Thankfully this manages to be more coherent and polished than the average emo poem, but it is still an "emo poem" in that it's very self-absorbed and not terribly original. ...

I enjoyed the tone and rhythm of this poem, but the content didn't really stand out to me. I felt that the growing-up-seasons similes were rather basic, almost childish. I ...

*wide-eyed stare at Suzanne's ridiculously long comment* Anyway. Don't get discouraged just because people on YWS are tough on your piece. It'll only make you better, trust me. If you ...

This seems like a clip, a short piece of a story. And post-climax at that. Well, we don't want an excerpt with no context, we want the story. Why so ...

I second everything bubbles said, pretty much. This piece doesn't stand out as poetry because I could probably construct it from the lines of other uninteresting poems and pop songs. ...

I do like this--especially the end. The abrupt ending is poignant, I think, ends on a delightfully off-balance note. I think you might have taken the descriptions of the men ...

As Matt said, gorgeous. Your poem is like a lullaby...it's lovely, nearly flawless in terms of sound and rhythm. I think the transition from the first half of the poem ...

I certainly agree with Camille and Suzie. As an experiment, try eliminating all the emotion-words from this poem: Sitting in my bed carrying [s]sorrows[/s], [s]sadness[/s], [s]depression[/s], and [s]l

*creeps out of the depths of the poetry forums* Love the surprise ending, I must say. I love stories where women kill men. I think you run into some problems ...

Imagery. See, cakes are very good. Delicious, in fact. But if you put too much frosting on a cake, it becomes bad very quickly. It might look good on the ...

The...ellipses...are...killing...my...soul.... No, really, get rid of them. They only hurt your poem, as Suz and Phoebe have already pointed out. The poem is simple. It works as a child's verse ...

They said that Maria Dee was one of those teachers who could walk into the room as if she'd been there all her life They say that she hand-picked her ...

Suzie, I think they are separate poems, not numbered stanzas. Am I right, kwestion? You might have been better off posting these separately to allow your readers to really digest ...

It's [s]an eensy weensy bit[/s] really cliche. Especially the part about the roller coaster. The problem with cliche is that it doesn't say anything to your reader. I've heard it ...