Published January 6, 2008
To Love
To love...
You need a hope that never dies
The courage inside
A wonder that strives
A hand to hold,
On a roller-coaster
A shoulder to cry on,
Just to let it out
A smile,
one simple thing...
To love you need two
I would like to know a few tips on writing. I think that I should try improving my skills.
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141,285 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
this is great i like!
the last line "To love you need two" it doesnt really fit in to the smooth poem you were writting above, but other than that its good
lulu
You are a great writer and if you need help just add me as a friend!!!
This is a little cliche but well done. Not bad story but chill out with the cliches and work on grammar.
It's [s]an eensy weensy bit[/s] really cliche.
Especially the part about the roller coaster.
The problem with cliche is that it doesn't say anything to your reader. I've heard it a thousand times before, so why should I find it interesting this time around? You'll be better off coming up with your OWN metaphors, images, etc. This poem is ridiculously general--make it more specific, give it a personality you can't find anywhere else in the bowels of internet writing forums.
Well, you asked for a tip. My suggestion is that you read a lot. We learn by example; the best writers learn to write by reading all they can.
-Colleen
Since you asked for assistance, let's dissect this line by line, yes?
As this is your title, it does not need to be repeated; that just bogs it down and gives it the air of an amateur recitation. Also, ellipses are generally to be avoided in poetry, as it's difficult for even masters of the genre to use them well.
First of all, I'm a bit perplexed by your line-breaks here and afterward; what was the point of all the blank lines? They're like fluff--bad news. Deleting the white noise, as it were, can only strengthen your poetry. Also, there's very little punctuation here; I'd suggest inserting some.
Again, I'm confused by the use of line-breaks; and the comma at the end of the first line should be deleted.
To be honest, I think "A hand to hold... one simple thing..." are the weakest point of the poem. They do no good, and it would be better off (if much shorter) without them. Focus on the beginning and ending lines, expand them, and you'll have a much better poem.
Simple, but lovely. I'd end it with a period, just for kicks and giggles.
I love it and I really have nothing to complain about here. And if you need help with writing go to poetry disscussion (sp?) and tips. That's the same for stories too.
~Star