Young Writers Society

this is great i like!

the last line "To love you need two" it doesnt really fit in to the smooth poem you were writting above, but other than that its good

lulu

You are a great writer and if you need help just add me as a friend!!!

This is a little cliche but well done. Not bad story but chill out with the cliches and work on grammar.

It's [s]an eensy weensy bit[/s] really cliche.

Especially the part about the roller coaster.

The problem with cliche is that it doesn't say anything to your reader. I've heard it a thousand times before, so why should I find it interesting this time around? You'll be better off coming up with your OWN metaphors, images, etc. This poem is ridiculously general--make it more specific, give it a personality you can't find anywhere else in the bowels of internet writing forums.

Well, you asked for a tip. My suggestion is that you read a lot. We learn by example; the best writers learn to write by reading all they can.

-Colleen

Since you asked for assistance, let's dissect this line by line, yes?

To love...

You need a hope that never dies

The courage inside

A wonder that strives

A hand to hold,
On a roller-coaster

A shoulder to cry on,
Just to let it out

A smile,
one simple thing...

To love you need two

I love it and I really have nothing to complain about here. And if you need help with writing go to poetry disscussion (sp?) and tips. That's the same for stories too.

~Star