Boni_Bee

I'm just what way do you find it cliche, hekategirl?

Thanks Mesh :) I agree with the first stanza correction. Ok, what is your suggestion instead of twinkle? It is a bit of a childish word, I do you have ...

Wow, thanks for that, Mesh and xanthan! I appreciate the critiques. Mesh: let's say you're helping me out of an editing slump, mkay? Ok, glad to know I helped you! ...

Powerful...! Good job. It was a bit disjointed, but I think that helped to bring the message across more

That is an interesting point... I can see what you mean; I'll have to think about it. Yes, the chapters are rather short, but I'm working on that :wink:

This was a really good effort! I think you said it all, without repeating yourself. Good job :)

I agree with bubblewrapped. It is a very good poem though! :D Good job

This is interesting! I agree with Blue Haze though...needs a bit more description

Well, what ever you do, make sure you post some more soon!!! :wink: :D

Wow, intersting story... and that was a good critique, Snoink! I agree with you... especially the part with the kid who is sticky... Good job :D

Wow...that was really good!!! :D It really flowed along, and caught me up in it! Very good...I love the 'competition' between the guys at the start....

Wow, this was pretty good! As Angel17 said, it is really realistic! :D more....!

No, it wouldn't, but you just made a nice beginning and a rather, um...drastic end, lol....but don't mind me, it is your story :wink:

Lol, probably both :wink:

Maybe back further than that, but anyway, I'm going to leave it how it is, ok? :P Are you going to look at chapter 5? :wink: