(Ok, here is the first chapter....what do you think?)
"Miss Emily Taylor is sentenced to seven years transportation to Australia for stealing the following items: one bible, two skeins of knitting wool, a bonnet, one loaf of bread and a pound of cheese.’
The judge looked sternly over his glasses and cleared his throat, nodding his head at the quaking g.irl sitting in the dock, her grimy handkerchief clutched in her shaking hands. She didn’t lift her head when the sentence was read, but her shoulders drooped pathetically. Someone in the audience muttered something about "Society running to dirt, but it’s their own fault". The judge banged the gavel for order and said “Okay, next case”.
A soldier gently led Emily out of the dock and took her to her cell. When they got there, he opened the door and let her in. She sat on the only stool in the room, and put her head in her hands. The young soldier cleared his throat uneasily.
“Well, miss, I’m sorry to hear your sentence...if there was anything I could do...” He stopped, and gazed at his boots uncomfortably.
Emily glanced up, her face sorrowful in a frame of tangled curls.
“I was only taking those things to give to my ailing mother and father, but of course, the jury never understands compassion.” she said, vehemently, sobs starting to shake her thin body.
“I’ll look after them. Your parents, I mean.” The soldier promised, his voice breaking, as his heart felt for this young woman with no hopeful future before her.
“Sir...how can I ever thank you” Emily gazed up, and she smiled sweetly, a glimmer of hope in her face. The soldier smiled back.
“My name is Thomas. Thomas Witting, at your service.” He told her, and then he bowed slightly, and went out, locking the door behind him. The sound of that closing door was the last straw for already strained nerves.
Emily collapsed on the hard, board bed, the despair and fear of the last couple of days taking over. Thomas felt his throat constrict as he paused outside the cell, hearing Emily’s grief. He strode down the long, dismal corridor, his boots ringing on the dirty floor.
Oh, I’d give anything to be going to Australia with her...the least I can do is look after her parents. They’ll probably be eternally grateful. Dam! It is all their fault that she’s here, and on her way to some distant land...he thought angrily, punching his fist into his other hand in frustration.
A fellow soldier glanced up as he went past
“Something bitten you? Or maybe you’ve had too much brandy lately” the burly man laughed and punched his arm teasingly. Thomas shook him off and stomped into the sleeping quarters that he shared with ten other enlisted men.
The iron beds were is orderly rows down the long gloomy room. Their mattresses squeaked under his weight when he sat down, putting his head in his hands. A moment later an officer came in, demanding in a rather colourful language why he wasn’t on parade. Thomas got up quickly and stood at attention
“No, not in here, get out there with the others, you lazy so and so!” roared the officer, getting red in the face from his blustering.
“Yes sir, right away” Thomas agreed and quickly ran out to the ranks of waiting men. A few chuckled as he appeared; others just glanced sideways, before the sweating officer commanded their attention.
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Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,849 Reviews
That is an interesting point... I can see what you mean; I'll have to think about it. Yes, the chapters are rather short, but I'm working on that
I know this is old, but I just thought I'd throw in my two cents worth. Looks like everyone has done a pretty thorough critique, but there's a few points I could add in. I've read a bit of historical fiction, and in general those that have a love story of some kind are more effective when that love story becomes apparent after perhaps a few chapters, not the first few paragraphs. Just my thoughts. Dickens for example usually created an atmosphere of other emotions (often that of a rejected or orphaned child) before bringing in the added emotional dimensions of a love situation.
Also imo the chapters are fairly short, but I guess I'm used to reading long books
Lol, probably both
Woah! Sublety!
Either that or I've got an extremely short attention span.
Thanks Sam
The soldier is the young man who Emily met in the prologue 
OH NO!
It's the OKAY alert!
In Victorian England they would not have said 'okay'. (Yes, I learned this the hard way...) Find an appropriate replacement for it and then get rid of it, by all means!
I really liked the way that the prologue led into the first chapter- there was an obvious connection, though you didn't make us feel stupid and explain everything. There was a little left to our imaginations, which is always fun as a reader.
For drama purposes: ' The soldier promised, his voice breaking, as his heart felt for this young woman with no hopeful future before her.'
The soldier sees stuff like this every day, so why would this particular girl strike him as so special that he'd take the time to help her and her family from da ghetto out? Explain what he saw in her that moved him so much.
Other than that...third chapter ahoy!
The first policemen were formed in the Victorian Era, soldiers spent more time in India or around the Empire than in England. I should know because my great-great-grand something spent all his life in India, he was English but had never been to England unless it was for a holiday.
And some convicts were hanged for their crimes, transportation wasn't always favoured.
Thanks Niobe....but I don't quite agree with your suggestions....
I know a lot about the transportation and convict era, and the smallest term for anyone was 5 years, and the average was seven, no matter what they did. The convicts were transported because the prisons and haulks were full, and couldn't take any more.
There were no 'policemen', only soldiers...
As mentioned, Emily's parents are sick (remember, her father had a heart attack) and there would be nothing they could do to lessen the sentence...
There was generally only witnesses at court, since they had about 50 trials go through each day, and although some public did come, just to poke fun at the crimminals...
But thanks for taking the time to comment on this
If you write about the Victorian Era, you should do a little research into the things you write about. The Victorians had unfair treatment but I don't think Emily would be transported for that long, it should be a year or two depending on what she stole and who she took it from. Also she would be in gaol at first but if she steals and gets caught three or four times that is when the court will decide to transport her, otherwise she will go to prison if it is her very first time.
"I was only taking those things to give to my ailing mother and father, but of course, the jury never understands compassion." -- In your prologue Emily said 'Mama', you should then use mama and papa here or change the prologue to say mother and father.
It shouldn't be a soldier in the court, it should be a prison guard or a policeman, a soldier would have nothing to do with this sort of trial (unless he was a witness).
Again, where are Emily's parents? Their daughter is about to leave for a strange new country and they don't seem to care.
I think someone already said that this was rushed a bit and I agree. You could have put a little description into who was at the court. Isn't Emily's parents there? If not maybe you could say why.
The strange thing is the soldier, why is he there? You said something about a parade but he shouldn't be at the court, it should be a policeman that leads Emily back to her cell.
It'll be interesting to know what happens to Emily when she gets transported because I am writing about a woman in a madhouse and the conditions were the same in prisons and madhouses.
Ah. I am going to feel useless after everyone just gave you deep crits. But they took all the crit up what can I say? Hmm...some people were just slightly harsh, but I pretty much disagree with anything that was negetive. I liked the storyline, I found it to be very interesting and if you pm me again to let me know there's more I'll definately read it and crit it for you---:P good job! All I can say is that although you didn't create extremely strong characters at first meeting, I'm sure you'll develop them and let the readers get to know them throughout.
Over and Out--
Misty Lynn
Thanks, SilverGlitter and Snoink!!!
That was helpful, and I'll edit the story now...but one thing...I like to put spoken sentences on another line, because you can dicern conversations a lot easier.... 
Quick critique!
In the title, the word "sentence" is spelled wrong. Change it.
Use quotes. Write out all numbers. Not 1 bible, one bible.
I think that the inside internal struggle might be better described as an outside struggle. So instead of him thinking to himself, he might be grumpy or wringing his hands or something! Sometimes describing it physically does it better than any thoughts to self.
Yeah...
Hope that helps somewhat.
Oooh, I really like you story. It's interesting and keeps you wanting more. It seems there are some words which are missing, resulting in incomplete sentences which does confuse the reader. I still can't buy the fact that a guard could be so caring towards a girl he barely knows. Either you should create a background between the gaurd and Emily, or you should give some solid reason as to why he is so compassionate towards her. I don't have anymore suggestions for these two chapters and now i'll go read the others.
Sorry, I know this is kind of late, but I wasn't feeling well so I could'nt get to your story before.
Chapter 1
Nefer has pretty much covered everything, so I won't be able to add much to this chapter. As for my opinion about the story, I do think it has potential, but it seems a bit rushed. Maybe you should slow down the pace of the story and that might make it much better.
As everyone else has mentioned, it was a bit hard to believe that a guard could be so compassionate towards Emily. I do like your story, it really is interesting, but I would like to suggest, as Nefer said, that insert a space between each paragraph so that it makes it for the reader to read you story.
Now I'll go review the second chapter!
Thanks, Nefer!!! Sometimes my computer takes out words, or parts of words, and I don't realise that until someone mentions it
I'll fix up my story as soon as I can.
Chapter One
This should come after 'about' and not in a new sentence, otherwise if you read the other sentence it seems to suddenly stop in mid-sentence.
This should be in a sentence.
I hate to say this but in writing you need to WRITE out numbers, so this would be: with ten other enlisted men.
I have never heard of the word 'protestingly' is it even a real word? If it is I apologise. But this sentence would be better like this: The mattresses creaked under his weight when he sat down…
Also you could have added he was a new recruit at this point.
Shouldn't it be: demanding in a rather colourful language
Chapter Two
Jeffina is the name of the ship, right? Then it needs to be in italic!
Again you need to write out the number four!
Silent gang of what?
Dockyard is one word.
Crowed? Don't you mean crowd?
This should also be in italics.
Interesting, this is obviously set in the late 19th century I'm guessing. But you didn't say anything to suggest where she is currently living, is it in England or somewhere else?
You have a few problems with spelling I've added a few suggestions you could use.
Also could you space out your paragraphs, I wear glasses and sometimes it's hard to focus when all the lines are jammed together.
I will now review the next part.
EDIT: Please use speechmarks (" ") when someone is speaking.
Thanks, Kay Kay.
They are going to Australia, it says so in the first chapter. And the rest of the people on the boat are going there too. Sorry if that wasn't clear. She doesn't know much about Australia, see? Should I put words instead of numbers? 
anyway, crit's are welcome! lol
I'm going to crit both. Word of advise though, when you post another chapter put it in a new post so the people who critted chp one will crit 2 as well. Anyways.
Chapter one was good. I really enjoyed reading it and wonder what's going on between the girl and the guard. Did they fall in love or something? Only thing on this chp that bothered me was that at the beginning you put #'s instead of words. Did you mention where she was going cuz i didn't see it. Maybe i just missed it or something. The rest was just spelling and grammar. This sounds really interesting and i can't wait to read more.
Chapter two was good too. A little shorter than the first but good. The only question i have on the chp is: were all the people on the boat going to the same place she was? That wasn't put very clear. Cant' wait to read more!
Could someone crit this???
Please!!! 
Chapter 2
The masts of the Jeffina creaked, and the boat rolled in the water gently, as the sailors carried casks of salt pork and biscuits on board. They would be at sea for four months, and would only be stopping once. There would be no fresh food or vegetables for anyone.
The captain shouted orders, and the men hurried around, looking like busy ants, from the viewpoint of the convicts.
The silent gang of convicted felons stood on a hill overlooking the dockyard, and watched the goings-on miserably. The loud, brawly voices of the crowd below carried up to them, and Emily shuddered with disgust at the thought of being in such rough company.
The wind blew through her thin dress, and she pulled her thread-bare shawl closer around her. She squinted against the strong breeze, and she unconsciously stepped forward to survey something more closely.
“Hey, get back, you!” yelled the guard, prodding her rudely with his musket. She gasped, and stumbled back sullenly, and stood with her head bent until they were ordered to board the ship. She walked up the gangplank and onto the deck of her ‘home’. They were taken down into the hull.
Already there were many others with similar plights, settled on the boat, and Emily had to step over people and their scarce belongings to find a bare place to sit. A few of the women glared at her but were silent. The smell at the bottom of the boat was overpowering. She gagged, and quickly put her handkerchief over her face, trying not to see the filthy floor and the overflowing waste buckets. The wails of some children rose above the busy clatter overhead, and they looked sickly. They probably wouldn’t survive the voyage.
Finding a small clear space, she set her small bundle of belongings down, and quickly glanced at her neighbours before curling up to read a smuggled book, it was to be her only respite in the months to come. She opened it, and a bookmark fell out. It was a letter. She had received it only yesterday, and now she read it again, scarcely able to believe it’s news.
Dear Miss Taylor,
I am a stranger, but please take the time to read this letter. Your parents are in good health. I have explained your situation as best I could to them, without giving away too much detail, and they are resigned to not seeing you for a couple of years. I have arranged for someone to visit them each week to make sure they are looking after themselves..
All the best for your journey,
Sincerely,
Thomas Witting
Emily shook her head disbelievingly, and closed her eyes.
Thomas Witting...What had he said?...oh yes, “I’ll look after your parents”...how nice of him. But I hardly know who he is! I suppose he felt pity for me, not that I want it, and after a month or so he’ll forget me and my parents will be neglected. Oh Ma, oh Pa...I’m sorry I had to disgrace you, she thought, and quiet tears slipped down her cheeks. An older woman near by, noticed the tears, and reached over to put a comforting hand on her shoulder
“There, there, dear, it will be ok. We’re all in the same boat here,” she said gently. Emily was glad for the kind words, and managed a small smile.
I'm glad I'll have some friends on here...and yes...I am resigned too, Mr Witting...
Thanks!!! It helped. The guard is a newbie to the regiment, and his heart isn't hardend yet, and he's falling in love with Emily (lol), and they...no, I won't ruin it, that can wait till next time
lol
Ok, I'll spice up the Jury.....er...what should I do to them?
Yes, what Sam said and TBR. It was described pretty well, but I don't get this with the solider and the girl. Do they know each other? Or does the solider just have a crush on her?
Good story. I definitely want to see more but your opening let you down.
Despite instantly explaining the situation it was too bland and the scene in the jury was rather dull. That could be spiced up a little. As The Black Rose said many things in this story do not tie together, but I assume it will be explained?
If not however, the guards sudden compassion for a woman he's never met before his hard to believe and will annoy a reader. I like it, but it definitely needs some tweaks in places. You've really set the scene though, and it looks exciting.
Hope I helped.
Dam!
isn't tehre an N at the end??
anyway
this was very interesting. I mean though, whey would a guard wanna help her? was there a past relationship or something?
I would help people but not a complete stranger, COMPLETE... hmm...
interesting... i wonder what the rest'll be like...