Billy

Well, I quite enjoyed this. It hooked me in well enough, and I'm interested to see where it all goes. That said, there are a couple of points that you ...

Well, seeing as cottonrulz picked up on most of the nitpicks, there's not a lot here for me to do. I'll say first that I liked the style of this, ...

Hey Commando, Blink seemed to pick up on most of the stuff I was going to critique, but here goes anyway. the commanding mixture of molten rock and plastic liquid ...

Yes! Part two! God, I feel like a little kid waiting out for the next episode of a TV show. But seriously, I'm loving this piece. Letting my gun rest ...

Firstly, if you're worried about a piece being long, post it in parts. Like, break it in half and say, 'Prologue Part One' for the first half, and 'Prologue Part ...

First of all, let me say this was really well written. I found next to know mistakes, and given how hard I was trying, that's pretty good. On top of ...

Like Mythmon said, you need to make the distinction between the species of the leader and that of the crowd. Just give a description of each of them, although it ...

Sorry it took me so long to get around to this. I've just got a question, why is this chapter called 'Peaceful Oddity'? Don't get me wrong, I love the ...

You're really building up a sense of how important the sisters are, I can't wait to find out what the prophecy entails, and why they need to give up their ...

I think you could definitely do something with this, and it's looking pretty good so far. an unwanted teen of 19 years, When you're writing, it's generally more proper to ...

Again, I liked this. I didn't expect them to have to use their wish that soon, and no doubt they'll regret using it for the staffs sooner or later, but ...

Well, this kept my attention the whole way through. I like it, you've got me wanting to know about what happened to Lance's father and the others he mentioned, as ...

Alright, looks like Light_Devil already got most of the mistakes. I'll just go through the rest now. But before that, let me just say that I've read what you've put ...

Maybe it would be better to separate this into two parts, just for posting purposes, because having to review something that long can scare people off. Just have it as ...

First of all, I like your idea, I'm wondering how you're going to involve your main character though, seeing as he's in Alaska. Secondly, you need to put a line ...