Published March 6, 2008
Im sick today, so this one might not be quite as good as the first post. All i think it needs now is some editing!
Thanks guys!
“Markus! Get your lazy butt out of bed!” The voice came from my friend. His room was pitch-black.
“Dude. Shut up. I’m really tired.”
“I don’t care about your idiotic emotions.” He shot back. I slowly but surely got up from my resting place. I took a quick glance at the small clock in his room before I followed him into his family’s living room. To my surprise it was already 9oclock in the morning. “Man, something happened last night.” Marshal told me as he sat on the family couch and unmated the TV. My mind took a steer for the worse as it read the caption at the bottom of the news broadcast: Breaking news. China in turmoil after rebels march into Beijing. Marshal took a quick glance at me as I stared, dumbfounded, at the reporter. The reporter was the next to talk.
“And it has been confirmed. A rebellion did breakout in China last night, and we are receiving word that a radical sect of Chinese men and woman has captured the capital city of Beijing. No word has come from the government of China since said incident.”
“Oh, my Gosh.” I said, dumbstruck.
“Right. US satellites have even picked up movement across the North Korean boarder. Everyone is joining in on this one.” I looked at him and then back at the TV. It took a moment of silence to clear my head. This was the first major rebellion in along time and I was thousands of miles away from home. I just hoped it wouldn’t escalate into something worse. I knew that it probably would; North Korea was involved.
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Canary word: Present
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141,288 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
I'm baaaack!
First of all, I like your idea, I'm wondering how you're going to involve your main character though, seeing as he's in Alaska.
Secondly, you need to put a line in between each paragraph, it just makes it a lot easier to read and you're liable to scare people away by just putting it in one big block.
This sounds a bit awkward, try: I glanced for a moment at the small clock.
What does unmated the TV mean? It sounds strange and doesn't seem to make any sense at all.
You mean a turn for the worse. Steer is a verb, not a noun.
Border, not boarder.
It wasn't too bad, just a couple of things that needed fixing. PM me when you've done the next part.
-Billy