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Re: Chapter Three
Hello! I like how you introduce Scarlet's mother and how Scarlet is seen s a disappointment through her eyes. Maybe at the end you could bring this to a full ...
Jun 30, 2013 -
Re: Chapter Two
And another great work by Olive! Nice ending! More of that humor I loved in your first chapter. Again, nice description. I enjoyed your imagery of Scarlet's natural surroundings. I ...
Jun 30, 2013 -
Re: We're Scared of the Dark Because We've Seen What's There When the Lights Were On
I found this really meaningful and thought-provoking. It really creates atmosphere, and I can connect with how the subject in the poem is feeling, even though I've never felt depressed ...
Jun 30, 2013 -
Re: Chapter One
Hello! Nice work here. I love the description you used. I especially liked, "The flashing amber warning lights spinning in frantic circles, their illumination dancing on the nearby trees." I ...
Jun 30, 2013 -
Re: Hornet (Title undecided)
This is really good! It left me wondering what was going to happen. The element of mystery was really intriguing. You have a nice flow, too. However, it was a ...
Jun 30, 2013 -
Re: Heavens above...prologue
This is really good. I liked the concept of irony, a man being killed in the same way that he has killed others. I don't quite know where you're gong ...
Jun 30, 2013 -
Re: The Charm of Deception- Chapter One, Part One
Hello! I really enjoyed this. Besides some missing spaces (It's happened to me too). your piece is very readable, and I am drawn in to what happens. I especially liked ...
Jun 30, 2013 -
Re: Israel, Chapter 1
This is really great! It completely captures the multi-faceted pain felt by these people. I love your choice in vocabulary, and your tone altogether. I also admired how well you ...
Jun 28, 2013 -
Re: Endless: Part I
Greetings! I thought this was pretty good. Ren seems like a good, likable character who has good potential. However, the story does seem to move pretty fast. I suggest slowing ...
Jun 27, 2013 -
Re: The Incubus
Greetings! I thought this was really creepy (in a good way). I loved the dark tone and interesting word choice you used. However, instead of, "It grew louder and louder, ...
Jun 27, 2013 -
Re: Chaos in Liberton
I think this has a lot of promise. I especially liked the line, "...and by distancing themselves from the idea if mayhem, they in fact stepped very much close towards ...
Jun 27, 2013
