"To believe in God is to know who we are. People strive to answer that simple question, who are we?", but fail in every turn. Maybe its time the answers are left and the questions unanswered."
.oOo.
Its true that when your death approaches, you begin to see everything as what it is and what you should have done. Its simply what you would all assume as a flashback of one's life, maybe as ones last attempt to grasp tightly to the concept of life. One last attempt to live life all over again.
But in the case of murder, what does one feel in the last moments of life before being subjected to the abyss?...
"Tell me where the money is, J?".
I was abruptly pulled out of my thoughts as the muzzle of a gun touched my forehead. I looked up at the person who was pointing the gun at me, ready to send my soul to wherever it was supposed to go next. Slowly, a smirk crawled its way onto my face, causing the anger of my potential killer to twist his face to almost a fiery death one.
I wondered how i ever got into this position, me, a twenty two year old man with jet black hair and eyes as black as the eyes of death itself. The life of drugs, money and murder had given me so much...yet taken away so much more from me. It wasn't as if i was complaining, it was just shock to me as i admitted how much i'd fallen from the little ambitious boy my mum used to always smile at. How much had i changed to become who i was now?
"You better get serious J, if you don't, am gonna send you packing.", the man growled out as he pushed the gun painfully against my head trying to make his point known.
I chuckled slightly as i was finally beginning to accept the idea of my end. I could almost hear the screams and feel the heat of hell fire. All my life, i'd always believed in God and thought i could always buy my way to heaven with a final prayer as an old man on my death bed...but now i felt different. What was happening to me was something i'd done to others before and it was fitting that i went out the same way.
"You know what Key, you can fuck yourself with that gun.", i taunted in a casual tone which i knew annoyed him to no extent.
"Keep the dough, just burn j...burn.".
And with that, i heard the click as the gun was cocked.
Everything seemed to pause. I could see everything yet recognize nothing. I could hear everything yet understood none. I closed my eyes, welcoming the death from the gun.
I could hear the clicking of gears in the gun and soon i saw it. Even with my eyes closed , i could see it clearly...and soon, it was all gone.
My world had been replaced my nothingness, until there was only a single dot of light like a dying star. My mind whirled into the only conclusion possible...if there was a heaven, i wasn't sure i deserved it. As i thought that, the light begun to shine brightly, expanding faster and coming nearer to me. Soon, it engulfed my soul and drew me to the figure in it's center. A figure of a man with wings as if on flames, his face burning brightly as a star.
"You've been chosen...Jhon.", he said in a booming voice before everything faded away.
Note from author
This is the original prologue of a story i've decided to write here. It revolves around religion adding adventure and action to it. Please leave a comment to at least show you liked it. Thanks...Plus i wrote it on wordpress but decided to transfer it here.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
This is really good. I liked the concept of irony, a man being killed in the same way that he has killed others. I don't quite know where you're gong to go with this, and that intrigues me. Getting readers interested is the mark of a good prologue! Other than a few grammar mistakes, which I think are pointed out in other comments, I have no complaints. Keep writing!
Hi there! I am a boy from the Future to review your precious work...
So at first I wanna say that you have done a marvelous job and I like your imagination and Fantasy. Now, I shall break down this review into parts:
1.) Grammar:- It seems that this work contains few grammar mistakes.
So, in this sentence you forgot to put one inverted comma or I think you have added one extra inverted comma at the last of the sentence. You should take care of that.
You have written "I" in small which you should not as it is proper Noun.
In this sentence it seems a bit odd for me as you have used three punctuation marks at once, full stop, inverted commas and comma, which you should not. ( I am not very good at grammar so pardon me if I am wrong here).
"My world had been replaced my nothingness"
Here, I think "my nothingness" should be "by nothingness"
So basically, here we can see that there are few punctuation errors which You can easily make them correct. There is nothing to worry, just revise once more and this will be fine.
Now lets move towards the plot.
2.)Plot:- Your plot is very nicely constructed and I personally like it. There is nothing to do in this part as it is already flowing very smoothly.
3.)Characterization: - This is a prologue so I hope we'll see more about the protagonist later.
I think you should keep the writer's note at the beginning of the story.
Overall, I really like the concept and story. I really wanna know why John ( as you have written, I guess it is John) is in such a position. I am very curious to know what happens next.
I wish you All The Best
Keep Writing
-gauravkundu32-
One more thing, keep writer's note in the beginning.
Wow! Really intriguing. The prologue is great. A murderer getting murdered. "A figure of a man with wings as if on flames, his face burning brightly as a star."- The line arouses great interest. And the "You've been chosen.." part is great. As for the real story itself, I can't wait. So far, it sounds promising. Rest, when the chapters come out, hopefully, very soon!