Azila

Hello! You new to the YWS? I haven't seen you around... I'm Azila--or Zills, or Zilly. :D Onto the critique... -Nitpicks- “Yes, a little lost, sir. I’m from New York, ...

Hi, Casey! Nitpicks first... He has scruffy dark brown hair that I love to mess up and big dark brown eyes that lit up every time he's happy. Should be ...

Hello, Andy! As always, nitpicks first... I crossed my arms to conceal my breasts, soothing myself in the comfort of its embrace. Whats embrace? This doesn't make sense. Maybe "their ...

Hiya! The moonlight streaming in from behind the curtains shimmered on her face, making her beauty even more impossible. Her beauty overthrew him, she was the one thing he had ...

Hi, Jenni! I will try not to be mean, but in being thorough I might be a bit harsh. Please don't be offended--I am here to help... we are still ...

Hello, JFW! Remember that you're supposed to PM me when you post more of these?! *grumbles* Anyway... I will try to point out most of the places you start with ...

Grammatical nitpicks and such first... “Come on, we are going to be late for class if we do not hurry up” shouted Brad, as we searched for my lucky quarter ...

So that I may use his antlers for rest, and be his Queen of the Forest Ouch. XD That is one forced rhyme, if I've ever heard one! I would ...

Can you PLEASE spread out your dialogue? It's really hard to read, and thus I just barely scanned it. If you fix this, and PM me about it, I'll return ...

Hiya, JFW! As always, I loved this... but more on that later. :D You say I can be harsh? You will regret those words, mortal. :twisted: NOTE: I wrote most ...

Hello there! Are you new to the YWS? I don't think I've seen you before. My name is Azila--nice to meet you. :D Valid sources say it used to be ...

Hiya! I have to admit, I didn't actually read this, :oops: The reason it that you put it in the "pre" setting, which I find tiresome and hard on the ...

Hello! The brilliant orchestra compose a sorrow tune, heard from six feet below the onlookers feet. I think this should be something like "The brilliant orchestra composes a sorrowful tune, ...

Hello, Fuz! Nitpicks first, overall opinions after... My stomach turns upside-down, I get a horrific headache that leaves me writhing in pain on the inside, and I don’t want to ...

Hello, there! I realize this is an old topic, but since everyone seems to be reviewing it. I thought I'd try as well. :D A small girl in a summer ...