Ares

I hope you enjoy.

It's an alright piece. Not much action or adventure but...it's alright. You could put some more length into it.

The flow/structure needs work. I like a lot of your word choice though.

Thanks everyone, Armadian, thanks for catching my typo, that line wasn't supposed to have the 'was' in it. Cadmium, I see what your saying, I kinda feel the same way. ...

Uhm. Stop using all the same lines... And how do you laugh a laugh? That sounds weird. Dance a dance sounds funny too. This could be cool if you had ...

Well lots of salt would make it taste bad too. So you could still use that as a way to get at em.

This is kinda funny but I think the last three lines sound a little unbalanced. Anyways, next time, add some extra salt to these people's food. That might speed up ...

The flow's broken up a little sometimes and occasionally the rhyming sounds forced but it's still cool. I liked it, especially the alternative history idea and most of the rhyming.

Well this is interesting. Potential it has. Add more and revise a little, it'd be pretty darn cool. I'll PM you with who won the contest, sorry it took me ...

Duhm duhm duhm. Is this the story you told me about? It's cool. There's a typo in the second sentence though.

I'll try to read some of it later. So far, my critique is as follows: Stop saying Fen all the time.

It flows so well. No joke. I'd break it up some more, and maybe make it a little easier for the reader to keep track of who's talking. It's good ...

Add more, there's hardly anything there. Elaborate!

Nice. I liked it. Sorry I have no suggestions. EDIT: Typo in the second line.

Are the capitals some hidden word text thing? I've seen that before. Italics works so much better. If you're really bent on doing the hidden text thing, use italics.