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Re: When we became Stars
Hey there! So, I do like this poem. You've touched on a really nice idea here, and you've done some used some nice ideas to illustrate it. However, as people ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:40 pm -
Re: Being Out of Place
Hey there! Ok, so this is a lovely poem. You did wonderfully with the rhyme in most of it, which is unusual so I commend you for that. However, in ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:48 pm -
Re: Split Personality
Hey Mage! Now, what I think this poem really needs is some deeper meaning behind it. That isn't to say that what you're writing about isn't deep, but I do ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:37 pm -
Re: The Robin's Egg
Hey there! I actually thought this was a pretty cute poem. My favourite stanza was: T 'was an robin's egg, So gently dappled, and palely blue, That there on the ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:25 pm -
Re: First post...
Hey there! Firstly, you might want to call this something else. Maybe think of a great name for your poem or something? Now, some suggestions: My feelings are brittle. My ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:13 pm -
Re: Hopeless Hope
Hey there! Now, the first thing I need to point out is your rhyme scheme. It isn't working here. It feels forced and makes the lines that rhyme kind of ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 8:41 pm -
Re: Her Happiness
Hey there! Ok, so this was a little bland to read. This feels like you just tell us about it, without delving deeper into the meaning behind the poem. I ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 8:27 pm -
Re: Bunch of Haikus
Hey there! Ok, so I'm not so much of a fan of haikus because they tend to leave out a lot of emotion in subjects which, to me, deserve more. ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:41 pm -
Re: Find me
Hey Onyx! This is a lovely poem. Your style seems pretty sophisticated, so it's amazing that you haven't written much poetry! You're a lot better then me, anyway. But maybe ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:35 pm -
Re: Weightlessness
Hey there! One thing I think you should look out for in this poem are redundant words. For example: The small waves brush against the dock. The seagulls slowly drift ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:21 pm -
Re: I'm Planning a Murder
Hey there! So, this is the second of your poems I've run across. It doesn't disappoint at all. You've got this really great approach to the entire thing which makes ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:14 pm -
Re: Inadequate
I kind of liked the rhyme scheme here. It worked with the sort of imperfect rhymes which make poems kind of quirky and cool. Nice one! I liked it, I ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:06 pm -
Re: Cassandra my love.
Hey there! So, this seems like a nice idea. A very nice idea. However, some of it isn't so great. What I think you need to work on is the ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:56 pm -
Re: Frigid Death
Hey Red! So, this is a nice little poem here. It's very seasonal! And pretty cool because it's snowing for me right now! :D One thing I would like to ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:40 pm -
Re: Brother Dear
Hey there! Well, I don't think I've seen any of your poetry before but this was lovely. Really well done. I sometimes see parentheses used in poetry and it really ...
Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:29 pm
