AndNeverAgainx3

ooo. i'm liking it so far. XD i love fantasy books! just can't write 'em. it is very intriguing, but in this case i think you should have maybe an ...

First off: Lots of grammatical errors. If you want, I will help you sort them out. It's interesting. But you shouldn't start out with all of those descriptions. You might ...

i love this. you convey your idea simply, without all of that detail pish posh i seem to get wrapped up in. and i love the idea you are conveying ...

it's absolutely brilliant how you start this novel. really intrigued me; it completely pulls the reader in. you should consider getting a publishing agent--if you don't already have one. corrections: ...

-when was aave established as a lord? or is she just joking when she says lord? -you need to make it clear in previous chapters that alex likes addo. im ...

-have alex think more about her family and dad and everyone. we still need to know more about her background! right now, she's just some person bc we don't know ...

=]] -to make the line about the elevator make more sense, have alex say "i felt as though i had been dropped into charlie in the chocolate factory (or, more ...

i don't care i'm reading it anyhoo but i'll be lenient on criticisms =]]] -this isn't a criticism. is this place located underground britain? [addo says mum] -why did they ...

when did we get in the forest? XD -addo explaining bithols i too abrupt. since obviously they are very important, you should describe the scene in which he begins explaining ...

okay! i love it! still! the moment i saw the word "phantom" i was like XD but i know it's not like P of the O now. it's like hp. ...

Dang yeah, roya! seriously, i've never seen your writing before, but i love this. the detail is incredible. really drew me in. our writing is similar, i think. but you ...

I agree with the other critics--considering your age, this is exemplary writing. I think, however, that the story is moving along too quickly. We have JUST been introduced to Quinn, ...