Anamel

I noticed a pattern of lengthy sentences and telling, not showing. You have a capability to describe surroundings so that the reader understands what is happening. Each next step the ...

First impression, only a glance over: Lots of run-on sentences. More showing than telling. "I walked over here...I did this...I said this.., I moved here.." Very humorous, makes me want ...

"Zoltar turned in a slow circled as he scanned the shore, desperate to catch even a small glimpse of the Ice Talon. Ghostly white mist swirled over the lapping waves, ...

Although I haven't read your previous chapters, the worldbuilding seems like it would be of interest to a lot of readers, and I can piece together what's going on despite ...

"On that note, the five of them sped up as they moved through the trees, there was every chance they might run straight into some kind of very dangerous plant, ...

I think this would also serve as a good, short prologue to the story as a whole. You end it with 'little did they know...' about Leona, which could follow ...

You've clearly stated the intentions of the characters and what their motives are, which is good, but you do much more telling instead of showing. It's difficult for a reader ...

I like that you showed the Lady Delephine's relatability and comfort in someone else's clumsiness, despite her status. You show her both as being regal, yet also as a person ...

This seems like your intention was to vent some feelings and emotions you have in your head, which reflects your title. I'm not sure if you actually want reviews or ...

I haven't read any of your previous chapters but your description of the setting immediately pulled me in and grabbed my interest. Your use of active voice in the beginning ...

It's like it's been screaming non-stop for hours, like my presence has personally offended it. This isn't necessarily wrong, but the repetition of both "it's" and "like" in the same ...

This is brilliant. The entire story is an understatement of something bigger, yet more simpler, with one question still left unanswered that is truly haunting. You portray the gullible and ...

The way you introduce your story sounds more like a documentary or a retelling of an actual event you'd find in a newspaper. It's a bit dry, but that can ...

Well, let me first start off by saying--damn, you know how to hook a reader(especially in the first sentence, which is great). The reader is already given a small taste ...

"I didn't understand how my daughter knew so much about the human world until I found the stack of magazines she managed to slip in between a few dictionaries" This ...