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by julieroowho

I sit and I ponder why did you have to judge me? I only wrote and you only judged. I try to be open and accept you but you always judge me. I wonder why do you have to be so critical of me. I love and accept you. You have never accepted me. I feel like I am some unwanted thing left in your life. Do you even love me? I try to be creative and you stomp on my dreams. So I am left with one word: Why?

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765 Reviews

Points: 11803
Reviews: 765

Thu Aug 19, 2021 5:02 pm
CaptainJack wrote a review...

Hey there julieroowho. Welcome to YWS and congratulations on publishing your first piece! If you want to keep sharing your pieces on YWS through the publishing center, you will have to start reviewing pieces and The YWS Critique Sandwich is a great resource for that.

As opposed to the other person who reviewed this piece of yours, I don’t think that you should try to push it into a traditional poem format. This piece seems to be something that’s purposely stream of consciousness. I always go back and forth on how I feel about this type of piece depending on how the person chooses to edit and present their thoughts to the audience.

The title certainly fits for the piece and I was happy to see that you weren’t constantly including the title word in the actual meat of the writing. Having a variety in your word choice while still fitting under the same umbrella thought is sometimes a hard thing to achieve. The one thing about the word choice that I might change up a bit though is how a majority of the lines start with “I” statements. This repetition is walking the fine line of putting readers into the headspace of the narrator, but also running the risk of turning them against the narration of the piece.

The main thing to say about your work is that it’s a good first draft. You’ve accomplished a lot in a short space of time - much of it coming from the emotion that you drive out to the audience. Having that emotional core is a wonderful place to start for looking towards a second draft. I think with a bit of work of taking this from casual to polished and really narrowing down your main point would make this into a wonderful piece.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Happy August.
- Armand

User avatar
77 Reviews

Points: 14
Reviews: 77

Tue Aug 17, 2021 7:57 am
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Anamel wrote a review...

This seems like your intention was to vent some feelings and emotions you have in your head, which reflects your title. I'm not sure if you actually want reviews or critiques on this piece since it's short, and again, seems like a vent. I think it would actually flow really nicely in poetry since your intention is to keep it short.

I sit and ponder:
Why did you have to judge me?

I only wrote,
And you only judged.

I try to be open,
To accept you,

And yet you always judge me.

I wonder:
Why do you have to be so critical of me?

I love and accept you,
But you always judge me,

I feel like I am some unwanted thing.

Do you even love me?
I try to be creative, and you stomp on my dreams.

So I am left with one word:

Something along the lines of that, but you could reorganize the stanzas and lines however you see fit.

We think in generalities, but we live in details.
— Alfred North Whitehead