Aley

Watch your spaces. You're missing a lot of them in this one. There should be a space between words and after periods. I know you know that, so why aren't ...

You did better with this one keeping the personal thoughts as personal thoughts, IE, the first paragraph, but I really think the chick would have figured out by now that ...

This story could use some more descriptive language. For example, you say Andy is getting beat up, but I don't know if Andy is a boy or a girl until ...

This poem starts out kind of weird, and doesn't make much sense. There is reason without rhyme. There are seasons without knowledge. These types of inconsistency with reality make me ...

While this is a nice concept, if not a long one, I have some things to say. The chicken was not meant to fly. I think Kiwi's are another one, ...

The cloud soon became white, then clear, then finally, it disappeared right before my eyes, and I fell faster then I had ever fallen before. - If something is clear, ...

"Still to sluggish." - too* "Still to busy." - too* "Get home tiered." - tired* "Already, to much stuff to do." - too* (too much stuff to do) "Wednesday, weeks ...

This is a very pretty poem. It has a good flow and a nice way to use language that is familiar, but at the same time, poetic in it's middle ...

So the first paragraph is really poetic sounding and I have a feeling the rest of the novel will be as well. There are problems with poetic writing in novels. ...

Some of these lines rhyme, while others don't, sometimes the pace is there, other times, it's just absent. I feel like the inconsistencies in this poem are really dragging it ...

So I enjoy how gradual things are going in this story. You do a good job of pacing their romance out between what you want to happen, and what would ...

So overall, I feel like the story has taken a solid progression and is going well. You have a nice mix of explaining and dialogue, but I feel like the ...

I felt like I was reading someone's mind when they were ordering at subway instead of something that was really meant to be read. It felt naughty reading these thoughts ...

So you know how people get really frustrated with predictive text? That's currently how I'm feeling because of that last line. What in the world does he mean by he's ...

Each meant a great deal to them, if it didn’t then they would have ditched it years ago. Two things with this quote. First, there are two rings, but you ...