Alainna

This part was sweet. (Ten years) I still have a problem with how you write that!! I'm nagging, I know, but I think it's important that you change that. It ...

Structure This piece seemed to lack much structure. It felt a bit all over the place. Your stanzas were very random and there was little punctuation. I suggest that you ...

First off, this was a very enjoyable piece and if you ever post anymore than feel free to pm me for a crit. You started off excellently, but as the ...

This is interesting. A good attempt. Show, don't tell. This whole piece is being told, almost dictated to the reader. This takes most of the fun out of it and ...

This book was a bit of a let down. It was OK, it had the potential to be so much more moving and enthralling than it was. I found Ahern's ...

It's obviously about racism, but I like to think that it's also about courage even in the face of so much fear. I completely agree. This book shows how it's ...

This was very poetic and you capture the feel of a storm very well. Lightning cleaves the sky in two - And suddenly the world is a violent chaos of ...

I really liked the story behind the song. Songs need to be relate-able and this definitely is. Just try to steer away from it becoming too cliche. As it stands, ...

I prefer the tone of this second chapter, although it still feels rather restrained. (Seven years) Same as last time; this doesn't work. Try: Seven Years Old. Olivia took her ...

I liked your idea of the father leaving and the way that Rosa reacted. First off, general stuff: (Four years) This isn't really clear enough. Try taking out the brackets ...

Hi! This was a little textbook- bland in places but otherwise OK. Depression happens for many different reasons; some of these reasons include loss of job our being bullied Get ...

Hey there! Well, this was good, if rather cliche. thing i think of *I This was cute but I can't help but wonder if you can use a synonym for ...

I liked this. It's a start to something. perhapsa perhaps a He wishes they were someone else's; someone he could talk to. Bit of a confusing sentence. It makes it ...

Hm, I agree with Saint razorblade....this is odd. The writing isn't terrible, but it sort of looses it's appeal half way through. You don't have to 'get' a piece of ...

Hey Sokool, how's the rest of your NaNoWriMo going? Right, this was good and the transitions were not at all painful. However, I do have a few bits that I ...