Part of me wants to love you,
Part of me says don’t.
I can see you.
I can feel you.
But are you really here?
Am I just another reckless passion?
Is he on your mind again?
Or am I just worrying too much?
I say I love you,
But all I hear
Is heavy breathing.
Just hold me close to you
'Cause that's the closest you'll
Ever get to loving me at all.
What happened to us?
You know,
Lately, I’ve been dreaming of you.
They’ve been more like nightmares.
I guess I know now that
Dreams can come true…
Even night terrors…
Part of me wants to love you,
But the rest knows you won't.
I can see you.
I can feel you.
But are you really here?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Structure
This piece seemed to lack much structure. It felt a bit all over the place. Your stanzas were very random and there was little punctuation. I suggest that you try and create a sort of structure that gives the poem a rhythm.
Topic/Theme
You have to be very careful when talking about love. It's an amazingly cliched theme and sometimes it's pulled off well, sometimes it's a disaster. Just be aware. Also, what you need to think about is what makes your poem stand out. What makes it the best?
To be fair, this could even work as a song if you find a good rhythm for it.
My advice is to give this some structure, description and more passion. Makes us feel what you're going through. Make us want to read your poem.
All the best,
Alainna