Adnamarine

Incredible. It was extremely chilling and powerful, very elegant, like Gahks said. "I will imagine: that pale skin - so, so like Snow White - is not the makeup I ...

Very very interesting. I do believe you surprised me into liking it:) One thing I don't really get is the random inserted 'yes's in the last stanza. Something about their ...

I haven't actually read the first part, but I don't think that affected the way I read this. It still made sense, and all that. A lot of times one ...

This is too short to be properly developed, for the subject you chose. What does getting ice cream show about being best friends? Sharing an umbrella? Walking? It needs way ...

This was beautiful! I adored it! I love the language you used in this; it was lovely, and perfect, and unique. I loved 'undulance' and 'cerise' especially:) "Slow over the ...

Like I said, you need more SDT in here. You're telling us what she's doing, but not how she feels, not describing her cry for help, how it feels to ...

You expressed this very well:) The first thing I noticed, though, is that it seemed kind of rushed. Maybe it would help if you merged the first two verses and ...

I'm very sorry if this sounds unduly harsh, but I can just about sum up this poem in one word: cliche. Everything you say here I feel like I've heard ...

Quite humorous:) I love the little critter's total disdain and condescension for the person. It's interesting having it from 2'nd person POV. Definitely unique. Can't wait to see more:) Sorry ...

Sorry if this is too late. For someone who thinks they're so bad at poetry, this was quite good, nothing to be worried about, I don't think. "The melody, my ...

Chew it to bits? I shall do my best, but really I think you have quite a sound piece of work here. Your rhythm was almost perfect. Just a couple ...

but the rhyming scheme is all over the place I think that's one of your biggest problems with this. If I were you, I'd just make it: AABBCCDD etc. "The ...

I'm a little ignorant of the meaning of overdraft, like Krupp here, but it didn't keep me from understanding and enjoying the poem. I like your rhyme scheme, it's subtle ...

Hmmm... I don't think it was corny, or too childish. And the length... was good, I think. I liked it:P It was unique and interesting... That said, "When the sun ...

Everybody else seems to have everything else covered, I just want to say that it is a pretty awesome first poem! Just take care of the things everybody else pointed ...