This is how we all will learn to fall,
Spreading our wings as we make the call.
The drop just a little longer than we thought,
Never again will we be able to recall what we’ve been taught.
Oh I’ve been crying for reason,
Amidst the burning of the season.
But it would seem that the reason has left me for dead.
Mary herself still crouching, still praying for my head.
I told her I was going far away.
Falling amidst the stars like clay,
clay that has been dropped from a skyscraper so high,
to eventually splatter on the ground without a cry.
It seems I’ve been deserted once again.
No rest for anyone but dead men.
Like trying to bludgeon through a winter storm,
I must face a dread that reaches beyond the norm.
Hey Mary can you still hear my thought?
I’ve never forgot
What falling can do to trust;
Always trying to unite us
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Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
I haven't actually read the first part, but I don't think that affected the way I read this. It still made sense, and all that.
A lot of times one of the first things I think about with a poem is how much it holds ones attention. Unfortunately, this didn't do that so well. Maybe it's just me. But, if I weren't reading this with the intention to critique, I don't know if I would have finished it, except for the fact that isn't extremely long for a poem and I was already halfway through. It's not that it's not a good poem. It's actually quite good... at least, from the standpoint that it's poetic. But I couldn't really relate to it. I think that's the problem, the reason it didn't capture my attention.
Like I said, this was quite good, from the standpoint of it's poetic structure, grammar, and so forth. There were a couple trouble spots rhythm-wise, but apart from that, everything was quite sound. It's when it comes to the content that the trouble comes. Some emotion came through, it was somewhat interesting, but it wasn't something I could really care about. Something about it left me saying, "And what does this have to do with me?"
I'm not sure what exactly it needs to change it from what I said, and like I said, maybe it's just me.
Good luck, and keep writing!
*adna*