Overdraft

by Swires

Published April 13, 2008

In Poetry

Overdraft is heaven sent,
A godly entity.
But when you use it once,
It happens regularly.

Overdraft can cure the bills,
A sparkling remedy.
Stir it up and mix it well,
To prevent debt-tragedy.

Overdraft is debt itself,
A frightful, evil foe.
It’s a drug, a spice, an evil nice-
You're savings sure to go.

Overdraft, a British thing,
Debt is patriotic.
But when you see your statement,
You may just turn psychotic.

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
KaatiieBugg
Review
KaatiieBugg wrote a review Review · Jun 21, 2008

This is an awesome poem. Now that I know what overdraft is, I mean.
The rhythm of the poem was wonderful, I liked the rhyming because it added tons to the poem.
Great job!
Favorite Part:

Overdraft, a British thing,

Debt is patriotic.

But when you see your statement,

You may just turn psychotic.


This part is genius. Love it.

User avatar
Swires
Comment
Swires commented Comment · Jun 21, 2008

An overdraft occurs when withdrawals from a bank account exceed the available balance which gives the account a negative balance - a person can be said to have gone "overdrawn".

User avatar
CK Lynn
Review
CK Lynn wrote a review Review · Apr 23, 2008

Yeah, I have no idea what overdraft is (some kind of tax-thing, she guesses?) but the poem itself was whimsical...no, a better word would be light-hearted, without being silly or dumb. I liked how the rhyming words weren't entirely obvious, better than the usual cat/hat sounding stuff. The one mistake I found was the "you're" in the fourth line of the third verse. Do you mean "your"?

User avatar
Adnamarine
Review
Adnamarine wrote a review Review · Apr 20, 2008

I'm a little ignorant of the meaning of overdraft, like Krupp here, but it didn't keep me from understanding and enjoying the poem.

I like your rhyme scheme, it's subtle and does wonders for your rhythm.

That said, your rhythm still needs some work.
"But when you use it once,
It happens regularly." Using 'regularly' here screws up the rhythm. It's not the best choice of words for the rhyme either.

Also, you go from describing overdraft as "heaven sent" to calling it evil. I get it and everything, I just think you need a smoother transition. Maybe, don't even have them separated. Mix it all up. Put the good in with the bad: Talk about the good things and the bad things together.
Or, like I said, you could just make a smoother transition between stanzas two and three.

Otherwise, very interesting. Unique topic. :D

Keep writing!


*adna*

User avatar
Krupp
Comment
Krupp commented Comment · Apr 13, 2008

It might be good to enlighten those of us who aren't sure what the usage of the word 'overdraft' clearly means...I haven't a clue.



Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and the shadows will fall beyond you.
— Walt Whitman