200397

Hey, LindseyBrooke! I hope this helps. "But , I like that I'm alone when I come here." You don't need this comma. And I know this is an excerpt, so ...

Hey, I hope this helps some! The black cotton of it pressing itself against his chest, ribs, and belly button. Change "pressing" to "pressed". Or even better, to get a ...

Instantly, I could see how populated the well-irrigated lawns were, signifying it was , indeed, the first day of school. I'd cut out the whole "indeed" thing. I'd rewrite it ...

Ash, I basically agree with lucyy and everything she said. This is awesome! It is so much better! I like how you added the part with Yamari, how you haven't ...

Hey, ashley! Gosh, I'm so excited about this. Every time you edit the story gets better and better and my fingernails get shorter and shorter (that's a compliment). I hope ...

Hey, welcome to YWS! I'm Sunny, and I have just a few things here . . . I had never felt them before. Never had I ever felt something so ...

BELLA: OH MY GOSH, I LOVE EDWARD CULLEN HEART HEART LOVE LOVE ALL MY SOUL HEART LOVE EDWARD CULLEN. :lol: Doesn't get much better than this.

Hey, niccy! An abnormally tall, lanky man with sun-bleached hair in a tweed jacket and black trousers entered first. :shock: Wow. This was quite a mouthful. *imagine me sitting in ...

Sorry to break up this little conversation between Adrian and Zalarus (there are these things called PMs, Private Messages *hint*), but I'd like to say this: it's a good piece ...

I need to be me . Don't we all? I just love this part; we understand this, those of us who struggle to escape the pressure to be like everyone ...

:| First of all, the whole posting the entire song lyrics at the beginning was a real turn-off. Maybe put bits and pieces in the body of the story, instead ...

:shock: Intimidating paragraphs. Could hardly get pasted the first two. Sorry, but the format made my eyes cross, so I would tell you to change that first thing. Be back ...

Hey there! Just a few things . . . I thought to myself “Don’t worry, he’s a big guy. He’s fine. He’s probably at the bus right now saving me ...

When Linda was twelve, her parents died in a fire in Chicago. The firemen said it was caused by a toaster that shorted out. I'm not exactly loving the beginning. ...

So there I was thiking as I was about to get ran over by a red truck in the middle of popular Los Angeles, California. First of all, "thinking" is ...