I need to change-
To escape from madness.
I need a new world
Where I can’t be judged,
Where stereotypes no longer exist.
I need to be me.
Your love has driven me
Physically insane.
My heart is now
At the edge of a cliff.
To escape;
To live;
To breathe;
To love
Again.
I have no new destination
And no new travel route.
I have no painted colors
And no more red roses.
We all have our own
Idiosyncrasies.
Where ourselves
Shall exist
Freely.
I’ll have dreams
With no specific color.
And I’ll watch as my life
Changes before my eyes.
And the physical pain
Strangles my body.
It’s killing me,
It’s agonizing.
I’ve now experienced
Every emotion. Where
All that lies ahead,
Drifts away from my hand.
And I’ll watch as it drifts
In its white, wispy
Air.
All is now visible.
But only when you’ve lost it,
Do you see All.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Don't we all? I just love this part; we understand this, those of us who struggle to escape the pressure to be like everyone else. Good job.
This part seemed a little out of place to me. I'm sure you were trying to describe the before and after, but first you talk of travel routes (not a very poetic way to put it) and then you talk of roses. It just confused me.
Again, I loved this part. 'Nuff said.
This is a little redundant. Maybe change one to 'agony' or 'hell', something different from 'pain.'
This last stanza was different from the others, confusing, but mysterious. I liked it very much, and it ends it well.
OVERALL: I really liked this. It was well written, and it has a good sense of conflict. Though I'm not sure "Lost" is the best title for it, but either way, it's still good!
I really liked this poem!!!! However there werea a few mistakes that need correcting.
"It’s killing me,
It’s pain."
the first line is okay, however the second line is not. Pain is a widley overused word.
Try "tourture" or agony in replace of pain.
"I’ve now experienced
Every emotion. Where
All that lies ahead,
Drifts away from my hand."
THe line breaks in this are akward.
Try putting it as
"I’ve now experienced
Every emotion
Where
All that lies ahead,
Drifts away from my hand."