-KayJuran-

thanks fire! i thought there was something wrong with the lies line but just didnt see what it was... that happens when its ur own stuff i guess... and yeh ...

wow this is such an amazing poem! i wish i could write like this... i agree with inc... there really is nothing to critique! good job!

i love this too! its so simple and yet it tells you so much! i agree with convintojm and sky though... 'etch' could perhaps be changed to something different... read ...

Ich lerne Deutsch seit funf Jahren! Hehe, I've been doing German for five years now... I'm doing A-level German and I'm in my first year! The german part is supposed ...

I love this poem!!! Never again, never again, Will I succumb to the back of your hand, this part flows really well it just sounds so gud when u say ...

i was going to but i thought that if i wrote it well enough then whoever reading it wud hopefully get what it was without me making it totally obvious...

i dont think you need to make it rhyme there... try to concentrate on the rhythm or sumthin...

love is a bullet which pierces your heart and can never be removed. i think this is the best line... When I look into those fiery eyes I know you ...

i agree with sam - in lines 2 & 4, 'see' should prob be changed to 'sees'. of course thats up to you...

thanks you guys!!! :P if anyone wants me to look at their poems then just ask cause ive decided i need to look at other people's more... :wink:

i knew she went by firebird which is why it took me a while to finally post it... wasnt too sure what she'd think. i like that you said it ...

i like it. My heart has been sealed, Or so I’ve been told. best lines, i think. again, you have an excellent poem and it's dark in it's own way. ...

hehe hopefully gud things... :P

My names written off as a lost course ummm... think u mean cause, not course...

Woops! I knew there was something wrong with it.. maybe I should have read it aloud then I would have noticed! stars whispered, gates closed. fear mounted, as red sun ...