Excellent choice of wording. You definately got me thinking even after I'd finished the poem. Great job.
and what you do not know is that
the end of days has already
begun.
there will be no white horses running through the streets
of this penultimate apocalypse. only
voices in the dark,
and the voices of reason that oppose them
from behind raised eyebrows and
steel-rimmed glasses and
medical diplomas hung on the stark walls.
Long before your body
caves in, and offers its soft insides
to the glistening white maggots,
your mind will become a sacrifice upon
the altar of your brilliance.
Your gift is to see color where there is only
light and shadow.
because of this, you will blaze bright and
they will stare wide-eyed and blinded,
not before the revelations you
release like white doves from your fingertips,
but because human nature takes
great pride in tragedy, and
they only wish to see you
grow dark and cold.
They want to see your ashes
drooling and vacant in a pastel room with locked doors,
staring at blank walls for comfort-
anything which does not
seek to tell you its life story so that
it can be immortalized.
And some time later,
though not as long as you might think,
you will see
that the walls are only dead pink plaster
and the voices in the dark
have nothing to say.
It is only then you will realize
that you have already been
consumed.
Excellent choice of wording. You definately got me thinking even after I'd finished the poem. Great job.
I thought this was very good. I love how you use your similes and adjectives. It makes your writing very unique. Soem of the irregular line breaks made it a little hard to read, but there is not much else to say. Very nice
this brings such great images to your mind - it's a very
visual poem which explains why a lot of people would
definitely say "ewwww" to some of these images... im
sure sams not the only one!!!
awesome..absolutely amazing.. i loved the flow and imagry of the poem....Nothing to critique, good job!
yeah, I have to say I really like this poem. As the immature eleven-year-old, I just had to say 'ewww' to the nice mental image of glistening white maggots...yukk. Lol. This is a nice break from the usual poems we get here, as there's not much to critique, not much to comment on.
This is sooo cool!
The poem itself is very dramatic. The structure affects the atmosphere though. Nonetheless, briliantly written. The second stanza was my favorite.
I'll have to disagree with EBM...this is quite the dramatic. Probably one of the best dramatic things I've ever read, really. My dramatic stuff can't touch this,lol.
GO WHITNEY!!!
wow this is such an amazing poem! i wish
i could write like this... i agree with inc...
there really is nothing to critique!
good job!
A much needed critique of the brilliant minds of the centuries gone by. I especially liked the solemnity that followed this poem. It seemed to be a somber proclamation of truth (and then the sacrifice of eden). You should really start writing poetry again. Really, you should. I don't have a critique, really, as there's not much to critique.
I liked it. It wasn't much dramatic, but I got the general feel and the flow was really good. Nice job.
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