Thanks for the comments, I guess you are right about "etch" I might change it.
I need a shower
to wash away the residue
of you
Exfoliate away
this crust
of old memories
Serenade myself
into oblivion
beneath the
gushing stream
Etch the word
with a damp fingertip
in the steam on the mirror
Goodbye
i love this too! its so simple and yet it tells you so much!
i agree with convintojm and sky though... 'etch' could
perhaps be changed to something different...
read aloud, this really does flow... good work!
I like it too, but I also agree with convintojm. Trace? Scrawl? I don't know, but "etch" does imply the wrong thing.
Overall, it was really good, and it flowed beautifully!
i really like it, the idea and the execution. though i'm not sure about etch in the fourth stanza because to me etching implies actually leaving an indent in the suface.
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