Published February 10, 2005
I need a shower
to wash away the residue
of you
Exfoliate away
this crust
of old memories
Serenade myself
into oblivion
beneath the
gushing stream
Etch the word
with a damp fingertip
in the steam on the mirror
Goodbye
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,695 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
Thanks for the comments, I guess you are right about "etch" I might change it.
i love this too! its so simple and yet it tells you so much!
i agree with convintojm and sky though... 'etch' could
perhaps be changed to something different...
read aloud, this really does flow... good work!
I like it too, but I also agree with convintojm. Trace? Scrawl? I don't know, but "etch" does imply the wrong thing.
Overall, it was really good, and it flowed beautifully!
i really like it, the idea and the execution. though i'm not sure about etch in the fourth stanza because to me etching implies actually leaving an indent in the suface.