Young Writers Society

Hi zekcede!
Here's a review for you! I think this project is actually pretty interesting. I've never thought of taking a poem line by line and then writing the end with more information each time. I have to say though that I don't really like the beginning of the prompt for the Mountain poem so far lol. I don't really know what it is about it.

I start for a second, I blench,

or staggeringly halt and burn.

I do not know my own age.

In the morning it is different.

I have never met you, boy.

Thomas, you say?

I shall remember.

I see a face, and with it comes a flicker of memory.

Memory, ahh, something I do not know much of.

I remember very few things.

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed this poem! It's been a while since I reviewed poetry, so my skills are a little rusty, but hopefully something in here will be helpful to you.

I liked the storyline of this poem! I feel like in the beginning, it seemed more abstract, but the way you tied it down at the end worked really well, I think. I especially liked the way you conveyed the poem from the grandma's point of view. I'm guessing she has some form of dementia/Alzheimer's and keeps forgetting her family members. It's painful, in a way: the reader realizes she's doing it, but she doesn't, and that knowledge hits pretty hard. Nice work conveying that aspect of the poem quite well!

One thing I wondered about was if perhaps it would benefit from some stanzas. I feel like there are some places where there could be a sort of "scene change" that would be better interpreted if the reader was given some white space on the page. The parts I'm thinking of would be after "I do not know my own age," "I shall remember," "but I do not know who you are," the second "I shall remember," and "all else I do not recall." I feel like that breaks it up nicely, at least in my mind. This is a stylistic suggestion, though, so you don't have to take it.

I also wondered about the differences in the way you format your "dialogue" in the poem. I put dialogue, because it's a little ambiguous. There are some lines where it seems like Nana is talking to Thomas, like when she asks him for his name, or how old she is. However, you don't put them in quotation marks like you do for Thomas's dialogue. I wondered if there was a reason for this, or no. If there isn't, I think that maybe putting them in italics could help sort of... differentiate them from the rest of the poem. Play around with how you format them, and see what you like best. Again: stylistic choice. You can ignore if you wish.

Overall: nice work! I think you're a very talented poet, and this exercise is super cool! I hope to read more of your writing in the future, as you're very talented. Until next time!