She struggled helplessly on the desolate cliff-top, stumbling parallel to the crevasse. The chasm was unfathomable; she could not see the bottom. Why did she walk so close to the open maw of the earth? She seemed to have no plausible reason to risk so much. But if only someone had taken the time to search closely, they would have seen the tightrope thin ledge she had no choice but to crawl on.
To anyone else, it would have appeared she could have walked away from the canyon. To her, there was a smooth mountain lacking proper hand-holds to her left, a perilous rift to her right, and a hopeless path carved in between. There was no going up or down, only straight ahead.
The mountain pressed hard on the girl’s helpless frame. It loomed high above her, boasting of it’s ability to conquer her life. No one else could view the invisible battle that raged for her sanity.
The once simple and well-worn path turned into an unsolvable puzzle of crumbling footholds and loose gravel. The rough trail dwindled until the girl’s frail body was wracked with uncontrollable sobs. Still, no one could see the horrific trials the girl was facing.
Shoulders hunched forward, she leaned against the rock to gain energy. Her hand slipped forward, skidding off of the smooth stone. Teetering on her toes, she almost went over into the cavity. She regained balance but scraped her chin off of the mountain rock. Blood, sweat and tears mingled on her face and palms, dripping freely.
Eventually, she lost hope, she quit. What was the point of fighting an impossible battle? The girl straightened her weary back, wiped away all the dusty tears, and half-smiled in exhaustion. After a last look at her enemy, the mountain, she leaned backwards. Swallowed by the chasm, she embraced the insanity and left behind everything she no longer cared about.
As the last image of reality swirled in her mind, she tried to decipher the images. The mountain towering over her, laughing at it’s victory. But something else, in the corner of her vision. Faces flashing with recognition. People had seen her. They watched her fall. They had finally realized who she had really been. But they didn’t try to save her. The few people who had recognized her were gone; they could no longer see her broken form falling deeper into insanity.
But that didn’t matter now. The person she had been was gone forever, replaced by an insane, twisted shadow version.
She was contented in the blissful, muddled, craziness that consumed her world at the bottom of the crevasse. Or was it the bottom? She couldn’t care, one way or another. Her only half-formed fear was that if she were still falling, one day, she would hit the ground, hard.
The girl wondered if it had been the right decision to give up. But then her thoughts clouded and all remembrance of her dangerous journey faded as the insanity dominated her and the crevasse’s floor rose quickly into view.
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139,548 Literary Works • 672,607 Reviews
Hey Yubbies it's Neverland here to review your piece.
You wrote this beautifully, I dont think I can find any real faults with it. I think you captured the way she went insane nicely. It can be a hard thing to do, have someone go from slightly disturbed to absolute insane. You also showed us what she was feeling, you let us know as the readers that she didn't like the idea of insanity at first, before deciding it was for the best.
I liked how you wrote this with almost I poetic outlook to it, well atleast that is how it sortta looks. Ah I actually have to go back on something I said earlier. I said I couldnt find a fault I can, as Tennant said you start to contradict yourself towards the end.
But still I enjoyed rading every single word of it.
You wrote this with a precion that makes me think you wrote this with a little experience, honestly I think everyone has either felt like this or will at one point in their lives. It is something that we can't stop, but really it's rare for someone to be waiting for it. Which she was, she was waiting for the moment she completly lost her thoughts to something more confusing. Well at least thats what I got out of it.
Anyway I'm going to leave you in peace now. Good luck writing and I look forward to seeing your work on the homepage.
xx
~Neverland.
hi. i'm nanya. here to review
i can relate so much to this poem, it's like it literally describes my life. Your descriptive ability is wonderful. someone that cannot relate to this poem, but with a good imagination, will feel every ounce of emotion intended for the readers.
"Eventually, she lost hope, she quit. What was the point of fighting an impossible battle? The girl straightened her weary back, wiped away all the dusty tears, and half-smiled in exhaustion. After a last look at her enemy, the mountain, she leaned backwards. Swallowed by the chasm, she embraced the insanity and left behind everything she no longer cared about."
i wrote one poem, and this paragraph practically summarizes it. i also like how your poem is About one's endless battle with oppositions thrown by life and how giving up seems like the only choice but maybe there is another way out
"The girl wondered if it had been the right decision to give up. But then her thoughts clouded and all remembrance of her dangerous journey faded as the insanity dominated her and the crevasse’s floor rose quickly into view".
i loved the ending.. i didn't find anything wrong with your poem but then again, i'm new to this reviewing thing.
This is really powerful. The description of what it feels like come across very clearly to the reader.
It's a little confusing at the end, how it seems to end, then the last paragraph seems to contradict it.
"She was contented in the blissful, muddled, craziness that consumed her world at the bottom of the crevasse. Or was it the bottom? She couldn’t care, one way or another. Her only half-formed fear was that if she were still falling, one day, she would hit the ground, hard."
and
"The girl wondered if it had been the right decision to give up. But then her thoughts clouded and all remembrance of her dangerous journey faded as the insanity dominated her and the crevasse’s floor rose quickly into view.".
It seems a little redundant, since "The person she had been was gone forever".
Overall, great use of language, without putting too much. Keep writing.