The moon dwells in darkness,
in solitude, he still glows,
though this overcast sky
has formed a twilight show,
my vision no different
with my eyes peeled than closed,
my feet shuffle red dirt
not knowing where to go,
Straining my neck to the sky,
searching for shooting stars,
I'll make a wish tonight
to travel somewhere far,
Take me away from dreams
reminding me of lost fights,
Put me on a sailboat
and blow me to paradise.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
One of the best poems I've read in a long long time! You tell a deep story and convey a strong message using only two stanzas!
You balance the story and also poetic value very well! It's also nicely structured. The language is simple yet very elegant, and it really paints a picture in my mind and makes me feel close to the narrator.
Overall, awesome job!! I really hope to here more sweet poems like this one from you <3!
Aww thanks so much, wildflower
Short and sweet! I really like it. I think it would be a little bit better if it rymed. Overall, I love it! It uses a lot of imagery, and I can invision the scene. To me it seemed like they were wishing to be somewhere else. It also seemed as if they were in the middle of nowhere. Not sure if this helped or not, but good luck!!
It helped a lot. Thank you!
Hello! Valkyria here to leave a short review on your work. Let's get into it:
I am blown away by how simple and elegant this poem is. It's a simple concept, but the writing is crafted in such a way to make these strong emotions come out of the poem. I love the title. I interpreted it/the poem to be about the narrator wanting to leave all the bad things behind. The imagery is gorgeous and paints a vivid picture. The poem flows well and has a great rhyming scheme. The moon's personification adds a nice touch.
This is beautifully written, well done! I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Thank you so much, Valkyria
This is really good! I would recommend making the last word of each line rhyme a little more just so it flows better. But I love the theme. The verses are really good, how you want to make a wish on a star and go somewhere that you fit in. (Thats just what I picked up sorry if I'm wrong). Anyway, keep up the great work, you are a really good poet.
You got it totally right. Thanks, Starry