I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough
I’m sorry that you felt that you had to choose
But now I’m sorry that you chose.
Because now we will never know
What could have been
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
Hey, Wondering Kate!
Nice poem, but its a very recycled idea. Otherwise, I think all that needs to be fixed is the punctuation. All the corrections are in bold.
Otherwise, it's a decent poem.
Best of luck, and keep writing!
~Firearris
I could see this as a first stanza, where you then elaborate on what they could have been and come to a full-circle ending with this also as the last stanza.
But as a stand-alone poem, it's not quite enough.
Sorry if that was brief. If you want any suggestions on how to elaborate, pm me.
In the meantime, keep on rhyming.
THe universe
The good thing is, this thing is short and sweet! Unfortunately, when we read this poem, we finish it and think, "Okay... now what?" You don't really give us enough information to really tug our heartstrings... and trust me! In poetry, we want those heartstrings to be pulled! Don't be afraid to delve into descriptions and to reveal a little of your soul in the poem. It'll make the poem feel fuller and more complete.
Hope that helped!
Hi wonderingkate,
Everything about this reeks of cliche and Valley-Girl-private-notebook fantasy. "I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough"? How many times has the reader heard that before? A hundred? A million? The last line is equally vapid and intellectually discouraging. I'm not sure why you posted this up here - clearly you want reviews - but it contains so little, both in words and meaning, that it's impossible to find anything about this worth reimbursing.
If you actually care about improving it, wreck the stanza and expand on each line, elaborate, and most importantly, compare. Compare feelings to other feelings, action to inaction, noun to verb to indescribable emotional bubbling from the heath of the mind.
Since you can't be bothered to write a poem that takes more than five seconds to write, I am not going to go too in-depth into this. It's no good.
Hope that helped,
Galerius
I really enjoyed this poem. I can relate to this very easily and I feel this is due to ambiguity of the poem, we never know what it is that was chosen and it therefore can be interpreted and thought of in many different ways.
I felt the poem ended rather abruptly. it sort of jerked the reader midflow and left them hanging. Perhaps next time a longer more completed poem with a set structure to its' flow with both a beginning and an end might work well. Just a suggestion. Otherwise I loved it! Keep writing
Okay, this poem seems a bit confusing. I mean, for the first thing, what are you talking about? I know it's a expression of your feelings. But about what? A clear meaning or atleast a hidden meaning is essential in a poem.
The thing I noticed about this poem is that you start and end the poem in a very abrupt way. Meaning, that you don't give the reader any time to comprehend what you are trying to say. Begin the poem a little more slowly, letting the reader catch on. And the end the poem also very slowly, so that reader won't be thinking, 'hey, where did the poem go?'
Make these things up and you will get a good poem.
Good luck
I like this poem. I'd tell you exactly which lines i loved... but it was so short, I liked all of them. I think that you chose a cool topic- the whole idea of having to choose is very relatable.
Good job. I like it.
--
kawriter