Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,206 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
You did not write this story. Please remove it. You got it from me off XNXX.com. Thank you.
Hey!
First off, I found this really intriguing from the start, got me gripped straight away! I particularly love the name you have given to the main character, Sre. Very mythical, fairy like
On this part, I think maybe you've missed out a word or two in the middle. It could be 'Sre glanced up, just in time to see a giant black wing glide above her before disppearing low over the trees.'
The details are great, I can really get an image in my head of Sre, and the woods she is surrounded in.
Just that there's no capital on Sre there.
I love the fact that at that sweet, tender moment Sre suddenly kicks the commander! I laughed! Go Sre!
The speech in particular makes it really graphic, it makes you feel like you're actually there. Though since he's forcing himself on her I'm not sure you'd want to be! But still, it's good!
I can't believe she escaped, met the commander, just to get dragged back into that godwful place! I'd hate that Jeboc, and run away with the dragons!
It was really good though!
I just wanted to say, I really liked how the action happening with the dagons mirrored what was going on with the humans. Very interesting.
This is very well written. Like others have said, a bit graphic, but don't let that stop you. I LOVE dragons, and if you dont see the story as a pornographic story, then it's not ment to be one. My story gets a bit graphic at times, but if you have a good enough plot, strong characters and the courage to continue, the critques turn into fans of your work in no time. Trust me!!
Keep at it!!
S.C
This is good. Definetly graphic but good. Makes a change to some of the other stories you get. It leaves you wondering if the commander looks for her again or if she is stuck with that git. I agree with yougwolf1105. It does need some background on Sre and maybe a bit of explaining about the soldiers and dragons. She was not at all disturbed by the fact there were dragons, she seemed almost bored when they started mating.
Looking forward to the next part.
i wouldn't recomend going into it so quickly, but i think it's really good! maybe revise it just a little to give more of a background to Sre.
Yes I do see your point, but the sex does prove a relevance later on. I'm currently writing the marriage chapter between Sre and Roscrow. I don't view it as a 'pornographic novel' as its not that detailed, and if I'm honest, it doesn't pop up that often.
~Wolfie
*Sigh* Ok, Let me start of with saying that this was, in itself, a good book. One poster compared it to eragon, and well, I hated eragon...But this was actually more engaging than eragon...all in all, it actually wasn't BAD. *le sigh* Look, I know you gave a warning about the sex scene...and said that it was crucial to the story...but there IS a difference between writing a sex scene that moves the plot forward and simply writing a pornographic novel. And really...thats what this was. I have yet to read the rest of the chapters, but you focused WAYYY to much on the sex. Many books are able to include sex but not so much that it could turn off readers or make a reader (like myself) view the material as lewd. You have talent, and you would display that talent by implying the physical relations between characters, and that implication would be more dramatic than "He placed his ***** in her ****** and then they ****** *** ***** ****". Just mein zwei cents
Ahaha thanks - it kinda goes into her history with her employer in the rest of the chapters I need to post
I don't know if I will finish it as I never do:)
You did not write this story!
This is very cool. Kinda like Eragon and The Vampire's Assistant. There were only two things I found wrong with this. You should discribe her in the begining. Does she have black hair, blue eyes, give me details. And when you tell about her employer, tell how old she was when she started working there or something like that because it was kinda confusing. But other then that it was very cool. I hope one day you can publish this.