Hi there whatchamacallit! This is Kays here dropping in on a late Saturday morning with that requested review of yours--sorry that this took so long to get to! I totally forgot the past three days, but I'm here now.
The flow in the first stanza is a little off with the third line having a comma in the middle--I'm going to suggest taking that out for flow. That's a problem with the poem that I found--the flow. What I mean by this is that the diction and punctuation are the main devices holding this poem back from flowing smoothly. I'm going to suggest reading this poem aloud to work out those chinks in the armor.
Starting lines with words that belong to S.T.A.B. isn't the best idea either I have to say. These words are So, To, And, Because/But. The reason that these words aren't often all that effective at the beginning of a line is because these words are used to connect and being at the beginning of a line, they're often filler instead.
Moving off of that critique and into another, the ideas here are strong but the execution unfortunately is not. That is the largest issue that I have with this--the idea that the speaker respects words as much as the aurora borealis or the pyramids. I enjoy the homage given to a few special places or sights in the world and the contrasting view that the speaker holds but I found the problem here to be is that there isn't a lot of imagery to go along with this.
There's a possibility for description to enhance the atmosphere and themes of the speaker not being changed except by the four words 'do you love me?' which I must add, should have a question mark after. Try adding that in and go from there and give this poem more of a focus as Rosey says. Focus in on a specific experience because that helps more than to be broad or vague in this case and go from there--there is potential here! I believe that this can be made stronger with the fixing of chinks in the armor.
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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